how do i have friends and an s/o đ im literally so annoying and unstable like how do ysll put up w thag shit đ even my interests r fucking stupid like even my fsmily thinks so đ
no one sees me
no one hears me
no one /loves/ me
im too broken
tw: sick, personal, vent, deep thoughts
This whole time I was in bed, and these whole days felt incredibly sad because I basically spent them all by myself with nothing to distract myself with (cant read,use phone etc,focus,,) (not to mention it was pretty painful physically) . But at same time I can't speak good thoughts when having fever, i.e. my thought process is even funnier than when I'm not sick
Also feels not very great to never b able to forget and move on from people , and to accept that some people get bored of me and I'm merely a stranger now , when i tried to follow rules and be friendly. Why are others so good, and i am so bad at being...at least an aquiantance
Feels sad, always, that there's nothing I can do for those i know, something that would help them out dark place. Because I am only just an online ephemeral persona to them that doesn't even know 20% of their lives. How no one i know can truly be happy and there is always a 100 km rift between me and everyone i know...like a lighthouse. Stuck, being able to only...shine the light..and not speak. To other stars. How I need the same people in my life because I got used to this consistency, but it's impossible and toxic, and i dont want to keep ppl who dont like me anymore, but being ignored feels like a stung from huge wasps , how its selfish to act like they only know me and dont have their own lives , when its obvious I'm just a random person whom was nice to talk to sometimes but then the strange way of talking got stale and ppl lost interest in me
I also felt very guilty the whole time for tiring mother out, and I am worried what will i do after get better? I don't know what to do and I how im gonna do my obligations; sad truth i dont want to do them, at all; but i feel like itd be too good to be true and i will get back to 'health' and will prove to be a shame in the house ,
My family, my xxx, my ex friend, my acquaintances, my followers, all deserve better
đŞ i feel like i'm annoying the shit out of the people training me
but i just want to do things right
i hate when people make me feel stupid for asking questions
Weâre having Bad Thoughts and probably not falling asleep tonight
tw suicide/eating disorders/extreme dysphoria/drugs. i dont post vents, pls dont feel obligated to respond, im just in a very big mood and i need to say a lot of shit
im like. really sorry if you guys stop hearing from me. because i either got my stuff taken away, or i killed myself. ive been severely suicidal again and insecure about my appearance, especially my weight and my height because i have height dysphoria. and all my dysphoria makes me desperately wanna kill myself. because i know i wont look like the people i desperately want to look like
ive been severely considering going on drugs just to lose weight, or going on adderall (which is most likely what im going to have to be medicated for for adhd, but i dont even care about how itll be beneficial, just that itll help me lose weight)
im really really sorry if i just, stop, though, and give up. really
i feel like the whole circus because i'm meant to be keeping a 'migraine journal' but how am i meant to keep that if i can't tell what is tinnitus, what is migrain aura, and what is hallucinations. Tell me the difference between hallucinations and an aura and Alice in Wonderland syndrome?? because i do feel like i've eaten the shrinking side of the mushroom some of the time. who needs drugs when you mind can create its own. what the fuck is the cause of the world turning into the wavy lines and where are all of the sounds coming from. i can assuming the high pitches ringing is the tinnitus. is roaring and screaming tinitus. is whispering tinnitus. what about icescreaming truck music? foosteps? skippingropes sounds, inside in an empty house? what about seeing my hands change size, feeling my body change size? shadows standing in the corners and walking around, which fucking category do they go in, surely the shadow people are not an aura? when an invisible hand grabs your hand? ew
sorry i vent on here so much none of my friends message me anymore
okay uhhhh im an INTROVERT? please. ive been out of the house with and near groups of people 3 days in a row already. and tomorrow i have to do it again. holy shit im tired please please please please please
Hiiii!! Welcome to my blog!! Jesus loves youuu
READ MY BIO PLSSS
My name is Arrielle(it means God's Lion in Hebrewđ¤Ż)
I'm a 17 year old college student from California.
I was born into Christianity (my grandpa is a pastor) but I didn't accept Christ into my heart and soul until 2020(thank u quarantine lol)
I've recently created a group chat for teen+young adult christian females. I would love for it to be a source of community, support, and friendship centered in God. Let me know if you'd like to join!
â˘ENFP-T, Ravenclaw, Scorpio, Enneagram Types 8+4
â˘Lover of the small things in life(sunsets, sound of rain and the ocean, laughter, etc.)
â˘I'm definitely looking forward to falling in love with the person God has in store for me and starting a big family together (at least 5 kids)
â˘I want to be an English Professor (PhD bb) and a Book Author on the side. Hopefully God will put me in a position to where I'll be able to work from home so I can't be a stay-at-home-mom
â˘I'm a Black Conservative Republican, we're rare but we exist. I'm very passionate about politics and constantly find myself praying for patience đđ
â˘I like to pretend I'm the main character
â˘My favorite color is blue, my favorite season is winter, and my favorite food is Chinese
â˘Fun fact- I'm basically allergic to everything (all nuts+ seafood, milk, wheat, soy, etc.) I mean half of the stuff I've been eating most of my life so I don't have a bad reaction to but the other half sends me into anaphylaxis
â˘Double Fun Fact- I'm asthmatic. God really said "I'm gonna make Elle bad at breathing"đ
Ok that's it. This is mostly for me to rant, vent, talk about Jesus+Politics, and just connect with like-minded people
My dms are mostly open but I spend most of my time reading(whether it's my Bible or something else), writing, on Pinterest, or conversing w/family+friends. This means it might take me a minute to respond if I choose to.
Xoxo, Elle
Tiktok- Lifeofarrielle
Instagram- Lifeofarrielle
Twitter-
Snapchat- droyalty_arri but I might make a new one for strictly christian content
Pinterest-
Wattpad- yourgirlelle
Email- ellehollidayfaulkner@gmail.com
the root of your problems is that you feel like you canât talk to anyone. you have no friends. you fear things like romance and sex, but everyone seems a lot less concerned with those problems than you are. you feel like you canât talk about sex or desire or intimacy, because theyâre taboo. who talks to what few friends about something private like that? not you. youâre funny. you make art. you write. every single character you make has a piece of you in it. but theyâre not you, are they? theyâre more charismatic. theyâre more attractive. they have more skills, and they have more friends. theyâre what you wish you were. who were you before all of this happened? who did you want to be, and what did you become? who did you want to be, instead of a snot-nosed, frail, crooked-toothed, bald, redheaded second-child who shaves their vagina because they wish someone would see them and desire them the way they want to be desired? someone who became so lonely that they started outright asking people for friendship like a preschooler? you wanted to be your characters, right? that was why you made them. you gave them vaginas and bald heads and autism. you gave them loved ones. you gave them sex, and you didnât give them children, and you gave them no more problems once they found someone who desired them. but nobody desires you. nobody wants to be your friend. youâre pretty scared of even making friends these days. any time someone is even vaguely nice to you, you want to marry them or move into a house with them or hold their hand just one single time. you come on too strong, and then you never text them again. you never send the first message. you want them to seek you out, but since you decided to filter who you are into someone more palatable, you became awfully, awfully forgettable, didnât you. and they forgot about you. you get left behind every monday. they forget to text you something important every tuesday. you change your status to a cry for help every wednesday. you spend every thursday and friday refreshing your friends page. you watch a movie to try and feel better every saturday. you lay on the floor and wait for someone to try and pick you up every sunday, and when nobodyâs there monday morning, you say âtheyâve got more important things to doâ. is that true? probably. do you have inherent value, even when you arent funny or making art or writing? maybe. do you feel like you have value? never. you rank value on things like love and attentiveness. you feel sick when they stop messaging for a period of hours, but itâs not healthy or kind to message them and ask when theyâre coming back. they have their own lives. wouldnât a relationship make me more important, you wonder? what you should be wondering is, who will ever love you romantically? who will ever want to be in a relationship with you, crying thing? youâre not attractive. your value doesnât shine through all of the annoying, ugly, paranoid, shitty parts of you that cling to you far easier than friends do. who were you before all of this? what did you become? who did you want to be?
"đ worry" get fucked, you're part of the problem. I start feeling fine again then you message me at 4 in the fucking morning. You don't actually give a shit, you just want to me get over it so you can send me your fucking dick pics and beg me for ass.
Being the older sibling sure is An Experience⢠because you get to hear the most wide arrange of bullshit excuses that your parents make up to explain why everything that has ever happened up to his point is your fault and why you should feel ashamed of yourself for not being able to change things you had close to no power over
me: goes outside
my brain: "every man you pass is a potential predator who would hunt you down at the slightest opportunity of being able to get away with it"
Im literally so stupid I literally know this shit will trigger me and I read it anyways
Do y'all ever had/have a toxic member of your family??
My cousin cut all her hair off Britney Spears style and her friend took a picture of her doing it too and posted it!
She was outside cutting her hair with kid's scissors and something is right beside her foot which looks like some kind of small pipe for drugs! Not to mention that she just turned 19 and doing this!
My dad saw the picture and sent it my sister than my sister sent it to my mom and my mom sent the picture to my cousin's mom!
My grandma saw the picture and called her and asked her if she was doing drugs and she got all mad because she wants her family to stay out of her life and my grandma got mad and told her to never come by her house again!
My cousin wants nothing to do with our family! She didn't even show up for her own birthday 2 years in a row! My grandma worked so hard on setting up the party! My grandma was so disappointed, she put all this effort and my cousin never showed up! She did this 2 years in a row!
She blocked her mom and most of her family members on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter and Snapchat!
She blocked her own mom! Clearly she was posting stuff that she didn't want her mom to see! She's only 19 and she's been doing this stuff for several years!
She used my grandma to get stuff for her and my grandma just now realized that and cut her off! How much of a garbage person you have to be when you use your own grandma to get what you want! Not to mention that my grandma is 70 years old!
She wanted to live in a tiny house right next to her parent's house! When her dad got finished building the tiny house for her, she moved to her friend's house!
Not only that, she doesn't even do any chores and she yells at her mom for making her do chores!
I help my mom clean around the house so my mom doesn't have to lift a finger!
She doesn't show up to family gatherings, she uses people to get what she wants! She even used her own mom!
She even yelled at her mom because her mom found out she was doing drugs at 19! A lot of drugs!
She ran off and cut off all her hair Britney Spears styles with a pipe right next to her!
My sister is concerned for her safety because she might overdose one day!
