everyday is just another day that i feel like an imposter in my own body. i’m not a woman, and i’m not really a man either. i know my parents will be unaccepting, but i still can’t bring myself to say anything to even my most accepting irl friends. i just feel like i’m unjustly being perceived as someone that i’m not & i’m sick and tired of it
Not me letting some random numbers that aren’t probably gonna be very important in my life later on dictate my self-worth ✨✨
mfw my cardiology appointment was supposed to be 2 days ago but the doctor cancelled, and i just got a new appointment only for it to be in june
i had a dream i did something bad and i had to scramble through my phone messages to make sure i didn’t actually do it
dream come true <3hearteyes
this drawing absolutely lauched my numbers up over at instagram and now i have imposter syndrome <3love
instagram - @ lizterliz
sometimes i think of how one of my exes has twitter and his most recent post is a reply to pokemon fat f.tish art calling said (BABY EVOLUTION) pokemon a chonker
oh the red flags we miss
i just want to stop.
stop causing problems. stop feeling like im causing problems. stop breathing. just, stop.
im at my limit in all honesty and sometimes i almost hope i get into some kind of accident and end up not pulling through or something. cause at least that way, its not me taking my own life right? so i wont be leaving too many issues behind. if i left any behind at all.
my chest constantly feels heavy.
my mom tells me that i just need to “keep myself busy and focus on the good things” and eat better and get more sleep, as if my mental issues were just that simple. as if there wasnt a chemical imbalance in my brain and its just a switch i can flip to stop being depressed.
i feel like i keep pushing away the one i love. even if they say the opposite in the moment when i express that feeling. what they say when they get upset tells me that i am causing issues and i wish to fucking god i could stop. i dont want to lose them. in any sense of the word and ive already lost them in one way. i dont think i could handle much more.
i dont know.
all i know is, i hurt. insanely, incredibly badly. and i feel like i cant scream about it to anyone anymore. so im just internalizing. and its getting worse. so much worse. but i dont have a choice.
one day i guess itll either get better, or itll stop. whichever comes first i guess.
who can tell.
my life right now is just. its like that part at the end of the episode Angela where everyone’s got their happy ending, todd’s got closure with his mom, diane’s talking to mr peanutbutter, judah and princess carolyn got together … meanwhile bojack just found out the action that led him down the path of destruction was based on a total lie and is actively planning his suicide and nobody gives a shit.
I’ve gained weight and I wanna fucking d!3, I haven’t been working out bc of my depression and I’ve been binging, someone kill me
It’s nearly 4 in the morning and I’m thinking about if discussing with my counselor about having group therapy with myself and my grandmother would help her address her hoarding disorder will be worth the absolute hell she will raise for me daring to try and get her some help…
its fucking 8:40pm and im on the verge of passing out bc i havent gotten more than 6 hours sleep for a week but im gonna force myself to stay up fro another few hours bc im scared of being alone with my thoughts when i sleep even though i know that now im just alone with my thoughts awake
