#vent Tumblr posts

on one hand, Ao3 is probably the best place for fanfic writers to, like. write fanfic. for me, it’s what made me want to actually read things, because i have a pisspoor attention span but i still want to read sometimes.

on the other hand… if Ao3 is allowing and supporting pedophilia & incest, then that is a bad thing. we should not be normalizing CP, we should not have fancy tags to mark it. the fact that Ao3 has “Underage” as a warning, not as a strictly banned category, and the fact that i have seen “Father/Son Incest” as just, you know, a regular tag, the kind that would go next to Slowburn or Enemies to Lovers, is so infuriating.

i think the best solution would be either a) building something new with Ao3 in mind, utilizing a version of its tagging system while also having better moderation, or b) Ao3 having better moderation and seeing CP as a fucking problem. what will likely happen is Ao3 will just go down eventually; it’s already dying despite being very popular.

i don’t know. im just very frustrated. i want to continue using this service, but not in the form that it’s currently in, and i think there are probably some people that feel the same way, but i don’t know, because the discourse is so polarized that it’s like, “anyways we should bomb the Ao3 hq” or “pedophilia is ok because it’s not hurting anyone :((”. im just big mad.

I don’t know if it’s because somehow I’m coming down sick with the flu + my tiredness from travel or if it’s just been something that’s been building up for a bit that was bound to explode anytime sooner or later

I’m just a wholeass pessimism + hate + anger machine lately and it’s something that I’m not sure what to do about

I feel alone. I don’t think lonely would describe it adequately, so alone might be a better descriptor. Like it’s a kind of fact like, yeah, this is something that’s happening right now, and it’s not really refutable.

I’ve lost interest in, idk, almost all of my interests? The only thing that gets me up and going is genshin nowadays, only because I still have things to do and events to engage with, but I can’t really rule out the possibility that I will eventually lose interest in it too.

I’ve stopped watching kamen rider. I’ve stopped creating content for it, or really talked about it anymore to the deeper degree that I used to, because what’s the point? I have no one to share it with anyway, at least the seasons that matters most to me.

Enstars is not something I’m deeply into. I have nothing to relate with anyone anymore. I feel like ultimately I’ve created my own distance against the people in my own life, both in real life and on the internet, and even if I wanted to let the steam out I can’t cry about it without having someone ask me why I’m crying. It’s not something that I want to talk about or have myself explain over.

So yeah. I feel alone. When I was younger I didn’t really have a problem with it because I’m used to filling my own silence, which is the reason why I post so much on social media anyway. I took a break, a while back. I came back. Everything went back to mostly normal, but I noticed that some things changed, nothing too big but just significant enough to me once I started noticing. I’m on a break again now. Tumblr is my only place to vent out all my frustration and emotion no matter how stupid they are, bc even if I have followers here I know they don’t necessarily give a damn about me so it is pretty nice to just scream into the void.

If I left everything behind I don’t think there would be much that would change. Not in a way that matters, anyway. Time passes, people change. People forget and people leave things behind. It feels like the clock is constantly turning and speeding, but the world for me keeps going slower and slower, or maybe I stopped in the middle of the road and just no longer have the excitement to keep on walking.

I feel alone.

can the person living in my head, trying to invalidate every single problem (big and small) I’ve ever had AT LEAST pay me rent?

honestly i hate having a shitty government and slowly see myself get poorer and poorer.

i wouldn’t be surprised if i lost my broken trailer of a house and went homeless soon.

‘free-speech’ champion dudebros will forever seem so much more horrible and damaging than the regular antis we see within our fandom circles. Always

update i guess (with a massive trigger warning haha) : im doing worse!!! my parents dont believe anything i say!! im almlst having a crisis rn!!! im having an anxiety attack or whatever!!!!! i am thinking So Much about running away i just dont want to be here anymore i frel like shit!!!! i made my friends worried abt me because im a shitty piece of garbage and an attention whore!!! i cant cut rn cuz im a fucking wuss!!! i have been getting more and more thoughts aboit suicide!! schools harder than ever and i cant keep up with anything!!! i MIGHT actually run?? from here??? for a while???? but im TERRIFIED of that happening because id eventually have to come back and my parents would go back to hitting me again!!!! but i deserve it im actual shit

I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO IM BASICALLY JUST A KID IM SCARED IM >:(

does. anyone have any, advice or something? also im sorry for this i havent been doing grest

I’m afraid of admitting how weak and lazy I am because I’m afraid of being uncomfortable. Hedonism is my greatest enemy.

Have you ever considered that maybe you can like all fictional characters…

I see people getting bullied just for liking a certain character like I get you don’t like them but leave the people who do alone. Even if it’s an asshole or an abuser, you can excuse murderers and warcriminals but can’t excuse someone hitting their kid (I’m not sayin it’s ok to hit children just that it’s hypocritical to excuse way worse and more evil crimes but not this).

Characters are purely fictional and liking a character no matter their morals or crimes doesn’t define a person

Not me forming a strong mental link between MCYT and being abandoned by all my friends that will prevent me from ever enjoying it.

Like I want to support them in liking it, but I’m so scared that they’ll all focus on nothing but MCYT and since that fear and MCYT are so deeply intertwined, I don’t feel comfortable checking out MCYT. I hate MCYT so much, and I don’t even want to apologize because it’s just so frustrating. Abandonment issues moment.

I’m so miserable all the time. Rinse & repeat. Nothing makes me feel better. I have no interest in anyone or anything. I don’t enjoy anything. I don’t want to be like this but I am. Not living, just existing. Life is just full of lonliness, pain & suffering.

The sooner it’s over, the better.

ITS OK if my posts flop i’ll just.. repost next week or smth idk

Idk if it’s ok to vent abt it, but the morning we found Jessie..not alive, I was woken up to my mom screaming and sobbing, so that basically sums up the “mood” for us here abt Jessies Death. My mom isn’t really taking it the best either, I can’t blame her since that’s what she had to wake up too (bc Jessie slept in her room)

Jessie was very cold and stiff, apparently she had died earlier in the night.

god why can’t i help people anymore

i used to be so good at it

now i feel so empty

its so overwhelming!!!!

Hnnnnnng i feel ✨ insecure ✨ :/

Love how i get sudden health booms whenever i google what tf is wrong with me

school is a crime actually

When can I finally rest

my mums boyfriend is coming to visit for lunch today & i’m so fucking nervous because i’ve never met him before but also i’m mad dysphoric today & if i get called a girl/lady or get she/her used i might slit someone’s throat