#vent / Tumblr posts

  • vunoirien
    29.01.2022 - 2 minutes ago

    painted my nails for the first time in awhile and I realize that I hold off on several things because of how they were introduced to me and whom by.

    Not everything introduced to me fell by the wayside but anything forced was. Wearing white, wearing more dresses and not chewing my nails and being highly feminine. I still hear the slight passive aggressive displeasure even now of how I do not shave under my arms or legs. I wonder how things were for my older siblings during their teenage years. Back when my mother was younger and fought more. Was my father just as distant? I wonder about the dynamic of all ours relationships and wonder about them. I think of all of them and wonder how close are some or how distant. It is an up and down thing that I think about over and over. I know I am fortunate moreso than most but I know it is not as ideal as it seems. I guess I don't like the pretend that it is. That's why I don't indulge them anymore with time.

    Probably doesn't help that I've been raised to know about my parent's last will since the age of thirteen or any changes. Or how I have the music my father wishes me to play on the piano already for his funeral. I received such a request two years ago. To summarize my fear to commitment started before my brother's estrangement. It started when mortally came, it started when the concept of time and existence hit me harder than I thought I could handle. Combined with the 5 year estrangement, combined with my lack of selflessness during which I refused all offers of help because I thought it all merely posturing and patronizing. Do I want brace? Not need them? Do I want therapy? Not I think you should see someone. Then over the top praise for things that only benefited the image of the family. Shun my quirks but praise my typical Jane-Austen esque talents? Drawing, Piano, dancing and being so prideful with how I dress I felt like a doll and hated shopping for clothing? Yet, I cannot blame anyone alone completely. All I can do is move on, forgive or forget or both. It's just taken me longer to move past so many things, because they caused a lot of pain, and multiplied for quite some time and linger in dark tunnels of thought so easy to stumble across. This all started with me saying I've painted my nails again. Black of course. Taking ownership of something that once made me cringe is difficult sometimes. Maybe someday I'll wear all-white without the stress of thinking I'll sully everything. Maybe someday I will truly stop giving a fuck instead of pretending.

    #personal#venting #family dynamic shit #big long post under read more #very personal #may delete later
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  • popcorns-vent
    29.01.2022 - 8 minutes ago

    BPD is trying to remind myself that just because I feel hurt by the people closest to me, doesn’t mean I am inherently broken or worthless.

    #bpd vent#bpd things #listen those words were cruel and maybe I don’t deserve to be treated like this #did I say too much? did I not say enough? #I don’t want to bother people about my life that’s why I don’t talk about 90% of it #I talk a lot about nothing and maybe that’s why people think I don’t do anything #because who wants to hear the nitty gritty of my life? who cares what tasks I managed to complete? or how bad my mental health was that nigh #being twisted into something I’m not in the narrative of someone else’s mind #it’s… certainly something
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  • frugalkubal
    29.01.2022 - 9 minutes ago

    I'm so tired how replying to your parents' insults to you is immediately considered disrespectful, like you're not allowed to defend yourself at all even if you try to be polite despite their harsh words and extreme accusations bc these oh so perfect parents insist they're always right. "Asian parenting" my ass. 😒

    #vent #don't mind me
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  • sicksadstar
    29.01.2022 - 11 minutes ago

    show top posts? bitch no those were the worst moments of my life 😭😭

    #we need to stop posting mid breakdown and calm the fuck down were a mess- might go back to hashtag venting #mine#diary#top posts#top post
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  • baby-ponyo
    29.01.2022 - 11 minutes ago

    / caps, neg, cursing

    DONT INTERACT WITH ME IF YOUR POSTS ARE TRIGGERING DONT FOLLOW ME IF YOU POST ABOUT @NA, SELFH4RM, OR BL00D I DONT WANT THAT, THIS IS MY SAFE SPACE AND THAT ISNT SAFE, YOU ARE A POS IF YOU DONT FOLLOW DNIS

    #im so sorry #vent #i had to make this post #tw caps#tw negative#tw cursing #cw mention of self harm #cw mention of blood #cw mention of ana #cw mention of ed
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  • gritsandbrits
    29.01.2022 - 11 minutes ago
    #vent#rant#disney salt#gb asks #anti batb 2017 #anti disney remakes #disney princesses
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  • parasitedungeon-avi
    29.01.2022 - 11 minutes ago

    First Rob Zombie Halloween: wow this is awesome

    Second one: everyone here is a shitty person I fucking hate this.

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  • jedi-bird
    29.01.2022 - 12 minutes ago

    The joys of getting older is that your body finds new ways to betray you. I have suddenly developed some type of either severe food sensitivity or else a really mild allergy. As of right now, I'm planning our next grocery order around an elimination diet for myself to try and figure this out. For now, I'm mostly going to live off plain rice and cry because I miss my normal foods.

    #vent post #it's like did this really need to happen now when I'm alone for ninety percent of the day #I've been 38 for only a few weeks and this gift obviously sucks #I've narrowed it down to a few suspects #could be dill or paprika or tomatoes #I'll scream if it turns out to be garlic because that's really not fair #i literally can't eat any of the food I've been cooking until i figure this out #my mouth keeps blistering so i know it's not just regular seasonal allergies #benadryl has been my best friend this week
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  • kcbra-kid
    29.01.2022 - 14 minutes ago

    .

    #suicide tw#dont rb#vent tw #would i be missed if i did it ? if i truly went through with it ? #would it be better ? #delete later
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  • dietcoke-btch
    29.01.2022 - 14 minutes ago

    i’m really really really proud of myself:)

    #°•. #tw vent #only pr0 for myself
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  • chronic-venting
    29.01.2022 - 15 minutes ago

    I’m feeling really bored, this hurts :(

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  • evilghost
    29.01.2022 - 16 minutes ago

    im so fucking confused :/

    #vent #fml im in such a weird situation i hate this
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  • miyu-241
    29.01.2022 - 16 minutes ago

    lmfao nevrmind, m ok 🤪 !! obsessing ovr a fictional man so m will be sane

    #꒰ vent ꒱
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  • losersvents
    29.01.2022 - 20 minutes ago

    can i fucking kill myself

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  • mariehatesbreathing
    29.01.2022 - 23 minutes ago

    It’s been a month officially

    I got broken up with by my first love a month ago I’m still heartbroken and so hurt he was a great bf but now I’m alone I feel like no one will ever love me again I really hope someone could love me again some say it’s so hard to love someone like me especially with all my problems they ruin everything for me no one will ever love me again:/

    #tw vent #tw depressing thoughts #i'm sad#heartbreak#4n4r3x1c
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  • lovelyybonezzz
    29.01.2022 - 23 minutes ago

    no bc same

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  • bagelthatbitesyou
    29.01.2022 - 24 minutes ago

    .

    Anytime i ask a friend to do something with me and they say yes i feel like im forcing them to do that something with me. sorry if i'm like that to you and i hope you can forgive me for being such a horrid being

    #dont reblog#vent #idk i've felt a bit bad 2day
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  • gayteensupreme
    29.01.2022 - 25 minutes ago

    lmao my depression is worsening i feel unworthy of all love given to me by anyone

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  • testsubject24601
    29.01.2022 - 25 minutes ago

    I wish I could do more

    Create more art, write more fics, sew more. My brain is broken tho so i can’t :/

    #executive dysfunction #it’s fucking killing me I just wanna create but no #whatever I’m just upset #vent
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  • kelcoded
    29.01.2022 - 28 minutes ago

    i cant do it anymore iu hurts so much but im scared to relapse i dont want it jw ant to be clean but it hurts so mcuh

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