#vent post Tumblr posts

  • had to call my manager today while i was crying in the back room because my coworker yelled at me over something INCREDIBLY petty on the sales floor and this is not the first time he’s done this (tho it is the first time one of us has called our boss) and then just had to. go back out on the sales floor with him.

    love my job :)

    #vent post #retail sucks man
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  • A basic idea of the thoughts going through my head everyday-

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  • Hi just a quick update,

    I’m not in the best position to write still, as frustrating as it is. The meds I’m on is making it very hard for me to tune into that creative sort of thing. But I’m working on it and I’ll try my best to get better than this so I can get back to doing what I know I enjoy doing.

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  • nothing feels worse than when you open up to someone and all they reply with is “oh”

    it just feels like a punch to the gut because now you are in the wrong for opening up and being honest

    fuck you for othering me

    #sorry im just upset #now i never want to open my mouth again #vent post
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  • tw: this post contains talk of self-harm. if you are sensitive to that topic please kindly scroll past this post

    i’ve been cutting again. nothing major or seriously bad, the blood makes me feel sick to my stomach, but enough. my boyfriend can’t get it up for me. i hit a highest weight today after starving all last week and only eating “normally” for 3 days. i weighed 158 pounds when i checked 20 minutes ago. i didn’t bother to look at the decimal because the “eight” was enough to make me nearly vomit. what else? today is my birthday (sagittarius szn!) and i’ve never had a worse birthday in my life. my dad made me chili for dinner, which i was anxious about eating but i let myself because why not i guess. i did absolutely nothing, and only left my house to go to the bank. so many people forgot about me today. maybe it wouldve been better if i didn’t spend my whole day wondering if people forgot about me. i guess they did. so i went to the bathroom and turned my thighs into a skin slushee. they hurt.

    i’m very close with my family. from what i can count, my aunt/uncle/cousin’s forgot, my other uncle, my grandma on my moms side, my great-grandma, and my sister. well, she didn’t really forget, i got a text at 11:30 this morning saying happy birthday but she didn’t even come out of her room to say it to my face. it just sucks. i feel like i’ve been abandoned. i guess on the plus side my dad got me a manatea (a little manatee shaped thingy that you put loose-leaf tea into to steep it) and some sheetz gift cards so i can get gas. my mom got me a gift card to a crystal store in my town. she didn’t even text me, just sent it over for my sister to give to me (my parents are divorced, joint custody and all that). 

    i don’t even know why i’m typing this all out and posting it because no ones going to read it or care or anything like that but i guess writing is supposed to help. i’ve never considered suicide this seriously until now. 

    with love,

    m.

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  • You know, thinking back on it, I kinda wish that I had talked about what was happening with my dad while it was happening. And with my stepdad, tbh

    #text post tag #man imagine how different things could have been if 11 yr old me rocked up to school on monday going on #about how my dad spent the weekend screaming at me while in a drunk stupor #or about the shouting matches between my entire family that lasted for hours #or showing up monday morning like hey guys what's up? does my face look weird at all? no? #ok sick then that means the welt from where my moms boyfriend hit is healing #also hey mrs gordon did you know that my moms boyfriend gor out of jail the other day? #and that the firdt thing he did was scream at me for being ungrateful and how he wanted to beat me? then justified it by crying #and saying it was ok because his parents beat him? #or even just a few years ago in high school man...... #like: hey chervinach whats up i had a nice winter break. also my stepdad rammed his forehead into the back of my skull so hard i was dazed #for a few moments. and then he chased me through the house and threatened me with further harm #also i sat in my room crying with the door locked with a knife in my hand in case he broke the door down and tried to beat me #personal info#vent post #hhhu h boy things really were.... like super..... not good h u h #felt cute might dissociate later ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
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  • I have spent well over $200+ on stuff for my shops inventory, and I still have another $207 worth of stuff I still need before I can even think of opening. I’m stressing that if I’m not successful then I’m putting myself into a tough spot. I just want people to like my things. Please let me be successful, I want this so bad. I’m putting so much effort and care into this whole business that I want to be a real shop. My take on successful is just making a few orders a month honestly, I just really hope I don’t go through this effort just for no one to like my products 😔 fingers crossed I guess 🤞

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  • Hey folks. I’m going to be taking a bit of a break from the Fallout fandom. I haven’t been feeling well emotionally and mentally so I think a break is for the best. I’ve been having panic attacks and lots of anxiety. I’ll still reblog and queue posts, but there won’t be any posts directly from me. I’ll be mores focussing on the TES fandom in the meantime.

    Thank you all for being here and supporting me.

    As for the OC Christmas lunch artwork I was working on, that will probably be late due to how I’m feeling. Sorry to the people that participated, but I promise it will be finished at a later date! 💗

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  • yeah uh can ppl not make fanfics where a character who in canon is heavily implied to have ptsd into an abuser towards the character he’s implied to be in love with in canon thanks

    #chase.txt #danganronpa #since that's the fandom i'm talking about #ableism tw#homophobia tw#vent post#sort of#abuse mention
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  • being described as “smart and quirky” when you feel shitty and your friend is trying to make u feel better but the only things they can think of is that is just a nice way to call u a weird nerd and that hurt

    #vent post #anyway I more than aware I'm the most expendable friend #still sucks though
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  • Since I feel rly uncared for I will log out and never* come back.


    * never = actually pretty soon because since everybody I cared for left me I have a lot of time on my hands and this hell of a website keeps me distracted from crying and hating myself all the time

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  • When you wanna send all of your daily love and appreciation to your mutals for existing and Tumblr just says, “No 💕.”

    Fuck it, we’re doing it the old way

    @milo-smilo @mrcamillaa @mrcamillaa @jacksinsanity @junoxesque @jackiethesnowflake @shimhaq @septic-dr-schneep @spunketpunk @sarcastic-pasta-games @silas-lowlife @turquoisemagpie @glixbitch @glitching-kuukkeli @glass-trash-bab @d-structive @fear-is-nameless @booper-ria-dooper @bristlee1 @brobie @darksscales @kasper-the-ghost @k–sm


    If I forgot anyone I am truly sorry, I’ll probably add on more in the near future.

    Now, I know, I don’t talk to half of these people through DM’s, group chats, chat rooms, or asks, but the thing is that they are mainly the people who made me want to join Tumblr and they made me feel valid in the JSE Community even though I didn’t have a Tumblr blog at the time and I should add it wasn’t just them either it was all of you guys.

    *Mini Vent*

    You see I am a only child and being shy isn’t a big help in that matter, I was and am often lonely, yes I have friends but they have siblings and bigger families than I do so it wasn’t common for them when we were younger not being able to have a sleepover or just simply up an go do something.

    But for whenever, I would stroll onto here and looked at all of the JSE blogs, I felt like I finally had some siblings for a change and I still feel that way and I will always feel that way and for as ridiculous as it sounds, you guys were like the background noise for me, I guess on what I’m trying to say is that I love you guys and no amount of tea blogs or hate anons will change that opinion in me for ever!

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  • My childhood dog is sick, she’s going to have to be put down on Saturday and im pretty messed up about it. She is a really good dog and a good girl and I’ll miss her so much

    image

    I love her a lot and I dont want her to be in pain but I wish she didn’t have to go. I’m gonna miss her so much

    #vent post #i'll miss you tilly you were the best dog in the whole world
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  • Current status: nearly shaking in rage over a podcast.

    It’s a medical true crime podcast, so I was prepared to be horrified. But this dude- a victim of the crime, not the perpetrator- infuriates me beyond all reason. He’s nowhere near as deplorable as the main character, but he’s just… such a scummy human and boyfriend in particular.

    No one ever deserves to be paralyzed for life, especially not at the hands of their best friends. But that doesn’t give you an excuse to abuse your girlfriend. My god, she was going to break up with him for infidelity but stayed in order to be his caregiver. And what does this piece of shit do? Almost completely paralyzed, and he uses his *electric wheelchair* to batter her. WT actual F?

    He’s paralyzed from the neck down, and he still finds a way to physically abuse his girlfriend and care giver. I’ve seen the ‘female partner and caregiver’ scenario play out so many times IRL and 95% of the time it’s unfair to her, but this is unreal.

    Please, I beg of you, if you were going to leave somebody but feel obligated to stay because they became disabled, find them an actual caregiver and leave. They won’t change because they’re disabled. They won’t love you more for everything you do for them. They may need a caregiver, but it certainly doesn’t have to be you. Leave.

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  • I would just like to say that im sexy AND smart

    #what do you want to achieve with your grades this quarter? #im so done with them making us do shit like #i already did now shut up and leave me alone #im so pissed that they always format it to sound like theyre putting u down even when you got a good grade #im gonna be visibly pissed on this form. only my teacher is gonna see it anyways #vent post #the raven fucking screams
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  • You freak out over something trivial

    You act like everyone’s gonna hate you if this isn’t fixed

    You give me a task and then yell at me for not doing the five other things you’ve just now decided you want from me

    And when I try to lighten the mood you tell me I’m not helpful

    You say I’m too negative and dwelling on things will only make them worse

    So which is it? Should I underreact or overreact? Am I too much like you or not enough?

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  • vent post ig

    I don’t understand this. I was walking home and literally thought ‘huh, I dont feel as bad as I usually do. I might even be happy :)’ and now I feel like crap!?? why am I suddenly so sad???even fucking ate today???? Jesus Christ

    I miss not being able to feel anything. or rather I miss knowing I was Feeling but automatically repressing everything and anything.

    this is so stupid . i want to cry. I want to go back in time, and grab my past selfs shoulders and scream that things shouldn’t hurt this much, stop, take a breath, please

    but fucking whatever.

    #vent post #j has the big sad lmao
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  • Hhhhh I am,,,not doing good. I’m just gonna go take a nap

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  • I’m often suicidal. that’s a fact about myself that I have to look at. I’m 2 years past the date I was going to die and everything since has felt like I’m running on borrowed time.

    but I’m also doing better.

    I talk to friends more often, I eat more frequently, I shower regularly, I don’t hold in my feelings, I put time and energy into learning new things, and I have a good relationship with my partner.

    Am I going to wake up cured of my problems someday? No. But am I healing? Yeah, I think so

    I’m proud of myself, and everyone else out here staying alive with me

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