I hate playing wingman via chat so much
I hate playing wingman via chat so much
what they do not tell u abt food poisoning is that once u get it its impossible to ever eat the dish you got it from after without feeling nausea and ur fight and flight instincts act up
Vent/rant (TW Mental health) ahead
I’m not doing ok. I hate having to be an adult. I hate trying to figure out finances and budgeting and just feeling absolute dread trying to figure out loan repayments and insurance costs. I hate my fucking job but I don’t even know where I’d work because all the jobs that are offered near me are either customer service or construction. I’d take sitting in a corner counting beans in a jar if I could. Sure it’s bleak and meaningless, but it’s quiet. I feel guilty about sleeping in on my days off because I’m not doing something I could enjoy or catching up on shows I want to watch, but I also want to get the sleep I missed from having to stay up to work. I’m fucking pathetic. Didn’t finish college, not knowing what to even go back for, stuck in a job I hate, stuck in a body I hate, stuck with a family that would hate me if I came out, and all that’s keeping me from doing anything harmful are my stuffed animals because they’re the only thing making me feel loved on a regular basis. I just want everything to calm down and stop. I just want to enjoy my life. Is that so hard?
I’m not going to hurt myself, but I needed to get this out. I’m not doing ok. I’m trying not to cry while typing this, but I’m just tired and scared and angry and hurting. I’m sorry for this long rant and I’m sorry for making anyone uncomfortable with this.
Okay so I thought I always hated using make up but I am now 22 and I realize I actually love it. It’s me-time! I take care of myself, my body, it’s just for me for real. And I think it has to do with the fact that in high school I had to do it because people would judge me otherwise. But in college? Ding dong no one gives a fuck whether you use mascara or not and the freedom of it makes me actually wanting to do it. I could write an essay about it but I study gardens.,.
Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels <3
(Not my quote) ￼
I guess people in disfunctional families turn gay bc het relationships don't make sense to them.
Everyone is constantly fighting and wishing to kill each other every single day. Meanwhile I see two lesbians holding each other's hands and kissing. Like, gay is starting to get more and more appealing?
My friend is sleeping around with guys but that's just bc they're manipulative STD carriers that want a cute fuckdoll for the night. Only decent guys are either overweight or unkept and I don't want to be with someone out of pity.
I don't want to bash girls bc they're beautiful and they don't deserve it, however, some het girls do be going through their "degradation kink" of sorts and I wish they'd practice more self-respect bc the pliable they are the easier they're manipulated and this type of dude only wants someone who'll easily agree to everything he says which is not healthy.
If being prideful makes you "playing hard" then no, I just know an idiot when I see one.
I wonder if there's ever gonna be someone that's like "why's he so fucking hot and respectful there's something wrong with him" but even if there rly is someone, the odds are- he's already taken. Life is a bitch sometimes.
Ngl every single girl I met is so pretty so how come there's only a couple of guys that I found hot? Friend told me she's gonna take me to her place to solve my crisis but even if that doesn't help I'll consider turning gay bc idk anymore.
She showed me some pictures of her previous relationships bc she changes guys like clothes and they all look good or capable so why not.
Mby my vent post makes me look like some self-entitled incel bitch but no, I don't want an anime-looking six pack dream guy. He just needs to look like smtng so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable when talking ab him to my friends. It's that simple. And no, I'm not practicing girlbossery bc I'll agree to things as long as there's healthy conversation and respect going on.
I also don't like this dudebro mindset when a girl initiates a talk to hang out sometimes (bc gentlemen went extinct nowadays) and he instantly thinks "hah she wants to fuck me" and feels so important like imagine being this self-absorbed. Why are they going "sure bro meet me at x/y" when they talk to other guys like they can't be normal around girls bc they're so thirsty? It's like that saying "girls think with their hearts and guys with their dicks" bc I always thought it was bullshit but now it makes sense and idk anymore. They're all gay I think.
God dont you just fucking LOVE it when your smoke detector starts chirping at the worst possible time 😍
i want to taste death and have it devour me
I told her I wanted to go to art school today. I had told her multiple times that I wanted to work as an animator and she knows that I had always wanted to work in the animation field since I was little. I know her life is very different from mine, when she was a teen art was considered as just a hobby for the rich, and at that time only rich people who had no interest in study went to art school. I know she had nothing to do after leaving her workplace because she didn’t have a license. I know she will have little money left after buying her own house. So when she told me it’s best to study to go to medical school and get a license I accepted. Being a doctor has many benefits, you have a license, you get to know how the human body works, you could help people in need but I couldn’t picture myself being a doctor and telling her and myself I wanted to be one felt so fake. My art teacher asked me if I was aiming to go to art school after she saw my art project(I posted on tumblr) and she gave information about art schools and careers to me. I told that to her and she seemed neutral about it, I thought I had a chance to convince her but I was too afraid to really tell her I wanted to go to art school and didn’t really want to be a doctor. So I told her today and she seemed shocked. After all these years I told her I wanted to be an animator. I understand that she doesn’t know anything about art but it felt like she didn’t consider me being an animator was an actual option. Anyway she told me she would support me and I was glad to hear that, then she did some research about universities that had departments of art and told me that all of these universities are garbage and animation could be made just by highschool dropouts who doodle for fun. I’m afraid she will never allow me to even think of going to art school again. And part of what she said is true, there are not many well renowned art schools in my country, which is why I thought of going to art schools in the U.S. or Canada but there’s not much information about studying abroad. So that’s why I feel like there’s no hope, I know that I’m blessed because I have her and a place to live and a highschool to go and this website that makes me want to do art every second, but still this whole situation makes me so frustrating. Anyway if you read this long post about my personal life thanks and you’re very patient.
Blah. I had a dream about my rapist last night (that I can't remember him actually appearing in). It was pretty good, actually. People finally saw the light and believed me and banded with me to help me bring him down. Unfortunately when I woke up I then had to deal with the sad reality that almost no one irl knows the truth, except my boyfriend, my most recent ex, and one of my other friends who lives in a totally different part of the country (and anyone on here who knows me irl, but if that applies to you, please know that the fact I haven't blocked you means I trust you to hell and back, so please do not tell anyone else, my best friend doesn't even know). It's been over 2 years now, I wish my mind would just let it be and stop with the dreams and anxiety and general PTSD symptoms
I hate my upbringing so bad why tf were grown ass m3n s3xualizing me and pointing out my body features when I was 11-16?????? just because I hit puberty super early that gave them NO right to be that disgusting towards me. fml no wonder I can't focus on anything except my looks .-.
Given I am relinquished from my vow of silence. I can now pose a hypothetical. You have Person A and Person B. While in a relationship, these two do not subscribe to society’s default monogamist programming. Person A and Person B both date people together, both triads failing due to an inability on the third parties to provide enough care in the relationship. This causes tension between Person A and Person B as Person A pushed for the third parties to be in the relationship. However this passes as a blip
Person B starts talking to people and meets Person C. They inform Person A that they are talking to someone but neglect to inform them of any actual details (most likely due to medical issues on Person B’s part) leading Person A to believe they are talking to someone else. Things develop quite quickly and they go from a talking phase to the sharing of intimate photos in the space of two weeks. While Person B informs Person A and asks if it’s okay, they do not do so until after the fact, leaving Person A feeling like they don’t have a choice but to agree
Things culminate on Person A’s birthday, which Person B has forgotten. In an attempt to patch things up Person B offers to call Person A but spends the call talking about how they’ve made plans to go around to Person C’s house. The plan involves going round after dark which not only flies in the face of the arrangement Person A and Person B have (which is to meet prospective partners together, in the day and at somewhere public) but also Covid19 lockdown rules which have been thrown in the face of Person A since lockdown began
It is at this point that Person A starts to display their discomfort. With the plan involving a late start and the possibility of staying over for the night and Persons B and C’s talking history, a hookup seems entirely likely. Person B tries to frame it as merely a social call with the possibility of a hookup. Person A asks for things to be clearly defined but Person B says it’s not possible. Aware that the plan would most likely go ahead with or without their blessing and to avoid fighting ruining an already shitty birthday, Person A concedes and allows to meet up to go ahead
The day of the meet up arrives and as expected, a hookup occurs and Person B spends the night. Person A goes to work and comes back to a message asking to stay another night as Person C’s child has imprinted on them and they have already told the child they can stay over. It is around this time that Person C’s name is actually revealed Once again feeling pressured into an answer, Person A agrees to the second night. The next morning, Person B wakes up to leave Person C roughly the same time as Person A goes to work. However, Person B waits until Person A is off shift to decide to go for a nap, leaving Person A who had a rough shift to deal with it
Person A finally connects with Person C and warns them not to hurt Person B. Person C (tbh quite rightfully) tells them to calm their shit. This is the first (and last) time the two ever speak. Having heard that Person A had a rough time and being in the area anyway, Person B offers to meet up. After a seemingly decent meet up (albeit ending with Person A falling ill), Person B reveals that they would like to cut down they amount of time they see Person A. While their original schedule of twice a week was always impossible, Person B wished to meet once a month. Person A, having spent the better part of a year in lockdown and so unable to see their partner, naturally freaks at this ideal
In saying that they wish to cut down on meeting people, Person B mentions that they are unable to deal with seeing people. However evidence point them only being unable to deal with Person A. The two compromise on seeing each other twice a month, work or coursework providing. Person A is still slightly upset about the situation but the two make up. Being upset, however, brings all the issues of the relationship to the forefront, leaving Person A to decide that they are no longer comfortable with Person B and C’s relationship
Person A conveys their discomfort at this relationship, asking Person B to pull back on activities until they can sort through Person A’s emotions to get them okay with the situation. Person B reacts with hostility, calling Person A’s reason bullshit and unreasonable and accusing them of being manipulative and controlling. Person A fights back, telling Person B that things changed and that the whole point of consent was to be given and taken as necessary. Person B refuses, effectively breaking Person A’s consent and by definition, cheating on them
Person A continues to argue with Person B, and eventually decides to talk to someone who has more experience in these kinds of dynamics and comes to the conclusion that there must be some kind of separation. Person A calls Person B and informs them of the break. However, being unable to sleep and having to spend the day answering questions from their family about their relationship, Person A suffers a breakdown and messages Person B apologising for their behaviour before passing out
Person B accuses Person A of trying to manipulate them through previous relationship trauma and decides that the break would continue in that Persons A and B would be strictly platonic while Person B decides whether Person A is worthy of being in a relationship with. Person A agrees. The break continues to the original end date, but Person B decides to extend it further. Eventually they agree to rejoin the relationship but still continues to treat Person A like they’re deciding and continuing to see Person C
While Person A initially accepts these conditions, they quickly grow tired of things not changing and regains their stance of not being okay with the sexual relationship between Person B and Person C. Eventually this leads to an ultimatum where either the sexual relationship with Person C goes, or Person A does. Person B chooses to stay with Person A and eventually realises that they didn’t inform Person A of anything. Person B grows upset as Person C very quickly replaces them with someone who they choose to initiate a real relationship with, despite telling Person B that they don’t engage in that kind relationship
Person C eventually ‘dumps’ Person B for acting too much like a significant other. This sends Person B into a depressive spiral. Despite having their own feelings on the matter, Person A tried to help Person B feel better, eventually footing the bill for Person B’s therapy. Slowly but surely, though not without arguments, things begin to improve
While in this upwards stage, Person A tried to find their own separate partner in order to engage in their new relationship dynamic. After a few failed talking stages, Person A eventually matches with someone we’ll call Person D. Person D looks attractive and is quite fun to talk to. While on holiday with Person B, Person A decides to invite Person D to meet up. They arrange to do so in town and in the afternoon. Person A also invites Person B, if only to soothe their nerves regarding the whole situation
Eventually Person A, Person B, and Person D meet up. Person A missed out as Person D isn’t quite the same in person, a common thread in online dating I’m sure. However, Person B and Person D hit it off, and both agree that there is a likelihood they would date. Having no issue other than wishing their attraction to Person D remained, Person A gives the two their blessing and they eventually begin dating.
Shortly into this, Person A gets a casual message from Person B that they were engaging in activities that Person B had both agreed to give a heads up on if the conversation started and heavily stressed that the conversation wouldn’t start in the first place. Upset by what felt like a repeat of recent history, Person A pointed these facts out and Person B apologised. All was well until the next time that Person A and Person B met up, where Person B wasn’t wearing a necklace of great importance to the two’s relationship, but instead was wearing a gift from Person D. Person B also pushed Person A away while they were hugging
On top of this, plans for university visits were scuppered when one of Person B’s flatmates decided not to let Person A in. Despite most agreeing that the rule was unfair, Person B refused to say so on the basis that they would lose their right to veto anyone entering the building. Upset with the growing lack of care once again appearing in the relationship, Person A attempted to end the relationship but failed when they didn’t really want to, opting instead to try and meet with Person B to resolve their position before Person B left for university
While a conversation was had, Person B chose to pull away from Person A during an attempted kiss. Similar reactions were shown the next time they met and the time after, which coincided with Person A’s graduation and the last time the two were due to see each other before Person B left. Having arranged a meet up at a hotel for an overnight stay, Person A arrived in the hope that things could be settled but instead was told that Person B was acting the way they were as they were scared of Person A’s behaviour- behaviour that only occurred due to the way they were being treated
The bad mood was only compound by Person B having to go as there was a potential boiler leak and due to their room being closest, Person B had to leave. This combined with revelations caused Person A to suffer a second breakdown. After not hearing from Person B for the majority of following day, Person A continued to find their relationship degrading and decided to push Person B towards what appeared to be their intended solution which was to break up. Which they did. The end
So I guess my only question is, who sucked more? Person A or Person B
5am is when i tend to sleep lately so i . i am really feeling it (tired) but i . Bluuuh. i dont want to do the same thing again i want time to myself and this is when i can get it despite the exhaustion ✌️
i think it'd be kinda funny if i gave jp a dysfunctional famil- oh no.
SKJSKJF the things my parents say to me really hurt me sometimes and their double standards and misogyny towards me and my brother make me want to cry but they don't seem to get that,,,
I feel like I lost control over my eating habits again
I try not to bring it up casually, which is why I will not be linking to the post I’m referencing, but... You remember that fuckery a little over a year ago where someone decided that me saying that ME3 gives me no reason to be sympathetic to the asari was the reason that I, personally, am the worst of the worst in the ME fandom?
Yeah, so now if I see that post get a like in my mentions, ESPECIALLY from someone I do not know, I get very skeptical about WHERE it’s being liked from. A part of me wants to delete it so that I’ll never see that shit in my mentions, but like... I did nothing wrong in that situation.
All I did was toss off a comment in the midst of liveblogging a game, and tagged it with my personal liveblogging tag, so it wasn’t even in the general tags, and some stranger, who, if they found it, MUST HAVE BEEN FOLLOWING ME IN THE FIRST PLACE, because they reblogged it from my blog, decided they would unleash this rant full of... just outright LIES, most of them in no fucking way any relation to what I have ever actually said. It was like full on “If X, then fish.”
Plus the added refrain that I’d managed to hear before of how I am, somehow, violently lesbophobic, which... I legit have NEVER gotten where that has come from. Like it’s come up before, in relation to me complaining about how hey, I’m not trying to take away anyone’s empowerment, but the jokes about male Shepard being pointless feel like they are trying to take MY empowerment away, could the fandom maybe stop them, which... I mean, doesn’t that just prove my point? That this fandom tears down male Shepard and his players, not because of people trying to impose playing male Shepard on them, but for the fact that they don’t like male Shepard?
Oh, and the death threat, too. Gotta love that logic. “Because I have decided to interpret your comments on a video game as violence against women, I wish for your inevitable death to be sped up.”
And like... this isn’t the only time someone from the Mass Effect fandom has ever pulled this shit - aside from the thing about male Shepard, a few months back, someone took my commenting about how BioWare has ignored making ANY reference to Kaidan’s bisexuality in the build to the Legendary Edition’s release or since, and turned it into me being racist against Steve Cortez, who I wasn’t even bringing up in the comment.
It’s shit like that that honestly puts me off the very idea of trying something like video essays, because good FUCKING god. I can laugh off one jackass, but the fact that they spread these lies and I saw there being reblogs OF said lies from them, so I had to make a refutation, which... That’s the frustrating thing about refuting lies, for every one line lie they spread, it takes like three paragraphs to properly refute. It’s exhausting, and I don’t have it in me to deal with this shit or the dragging of my name through the mud because SOMEONE decided that I needed to be taken down a peg for daring to disagree with them, a total stranger, on some matter.
Y’know, I’ve watched both Contrapoints and Lindsay Ellis’s videos on their own “cancellations,” and honestly, while I can agree with the people who call them out that the catalyst for those events were perhaps not the best looks... Considering this merest of GLIMPSES into the world of online shaming I have had, dogpiling on to a person because they tossed something off rather than think about EVERY POSSIBLE PERMUTATION that statement could be interpreted as saying, not to mention the caller out throwing in so many lies (or, at best, “bad faith interpretations”)... Yeah, I tend to agree with them that the response they received for their own missteps was WAY out of proportion to the actual comment. Again, I point to the death threat addition. And I know that, in particular, they had it much worse than I did - my instances have been isolated incidents of one person. They had their Twitter mentions HOUNDED because of a bunch of people who will ALWAYS take the things they say in the worst possible light, and then going “oh, but if you don’t think this is bad enough, then LOOK, look at THIS history of things!”
(Funny how the rolodex is full of fuckups and not the apologies and corrections and explanations and original context that has been conveniently left out...)
Like, I’m random nobody and I got this reaction. I mean, yeah, according to Tumblr metrics I have a whopping 1284 followers, which, y’know, is the population of like... that town you pass through that’s sandwiched between two more major cities that you never actually learn the name of. So like... Not nothing, but definitely not “influencing” anything. Now picture it with a platform, where the number of people who are following you goes up to like a major metropolitan center. It’s easy to laugh off when it’s only one person and a few of their followers who take their words as gospel instead of looking things up for themselves. It’s much harder when you’re talking about things that just ABSOLUTELY snowball out of control, which happens when you have a larger platform - you are out there for more people to know about, listen to, and judge your perceived fuckups.
In conclusion, the Mass Effect fandom is trash and I really do not want any part of it.