The school calendar came out this year. And I’m looking at it and barely keeping my composure. I don’t have the words for this feeling. Frustration, despair, confusion, doubt. Are we doing the right thing? Is anyone?
Many of my brain cells are yelling we should just go full homeschool. Many other cells are just as loudly insisting that the kids should be part of what community we can give them. Is this enough? Are we wrecking our kids if we remote learn? Is it better than just homeschooling? How much damage will we do if we keep them away from their friends in the interest of safety? How much damage will we do if we don’t? Will they resent us forever for teasing them with glimpses of their peers but keeping them away? Would they resent us more if they didn’t even get the glimpses?
Our numbers really couldn’t be better. For now. As we’ve seen, though, the numbers can change so fast. These humans are my absolute everything. They need to live their lives - and I need them safe and healthy to do that.
I just do not know and the uncertainty is dissolving my self-confidence. I’m desperately grateful I have these brilliant young people in my family who are on board with having a conversation. The situation is somewhat easier because each kid wants to remote learn - for safety reasons. The first few days of school are going to emotionally devastate all of us, though. I wish I could be even 96% sure we are making the right choice - and in the same breath, I don’t want to have our caution justified at the expense of a student or staff member’s health.
The Governor says for areas, like ours, with excellent numbers, we should keep doing what we’re doing. I think he’s right. And “what we’re doing” includes keeping our kids out of the classroom.
My prayer right now is that my kids will know we are making the best decision we know how to make. I hope beyond hope that it is the right call. And I cannot stand that I may never really know one way or the other.