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happy birthday, my prince ♡
Everytime I go back to last December I remember how happy I was. Everything started with a terrible accident and ended with a disaster too, but between all of that I felt happy.
I remember how panicked I was that night. But you were my comfort, the only place I found peace. We were standing next to the wrecked car and everything seemed like it went south. You gave me hope. In fact the only time I've ever found happiness was in your arms.
The next day you came to my place. Even though I was still traumatized by the accident you made all of those horrible memories go away. I was so in love I felt like time did not even exist. Like nothing else mattered, but us in this moment. That day I told you how much I love you. And if I close my eyes, I can still feel your head on my chest and my heart starts to beat fast.
And that night in the car with you in the rain. It felt so magical so euphoric. Every time they tell me there's no real magic in this world I go back to this moment. Sadly it was probably the last time when I looked you in the eyes and made you smile.
It's hard to say when we fucked things up. I was really put into pressure by everyone around us. I felt like your expectations of me were too much. I was scared I was really scared. It was so heavy to carry the weight of the opinions of other people and the speculations about us. They made me dought my self, I even quested if I really loved you. Nothing seemed like it was going into place.
I know you are a very intense person that's why I fell for you in the first place. But it turns out I couldn't handle it. I may regret that I lost you, I may still wonder what could've happed if things worked out. Where would we be now if I wasn't such a coward? But than on the side I'm happy for every single moment that you were mine.
Our ending was so painful. And all the suffering I caused you still cuts me like a knife till this day. The tears I saw in your eyes when I told you I no longer loved you are on my face now. Your words still echo in my head. "Love is a strong word. And I don't think you know the real meaning of it. We don't say 'I love you' if we don't really mean it. Hope you learn that... no stay way don't even try to hug me.".
Wish I knew how to love you. Wish I had the balls to fight till the end with you. Stop. There's no point in living in the past. I'm glad that you found the one now. I hope you are as happy as you were laughing at my silly jokes or just simply lying next to me and staring into my eyes. And I really hope he won't ever hurt you the way that I did.
And when it comes to me... I'm still lost, but I'm sure I'll find myself soon.
𝗐𝗈𝗋𝗅𝖽. BORN OF BLOOD AND WINTER.
when the snows fall and the white winds blow, the lone wolf dies but the pack survives.
Winter with you <3
New Releases: December 2021
Read Between the Lines by Rachel Lacey (1st) Books are Rosie Taft’s life. And ever since she took over her mother’s beloved Manhattan bookstore, they’ve become her home too. The only thing missing is her own real-life romance like the ones she loves to read about, and Rosie has an idea of who she might like to sweep her off her feet. She’s struck up a flirty online friendship with lesbian romance…
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i got flowers
and more presents
and it turns out i have friends
but still, what am i supposed to do with all the cake? and chocolate?
Well fuck, about to be blown about again. I swear to god if my last remaining fence gets sucked into this storm, I will freak.
Why? -cuz he likes you, dumbass
December is here and it's a lot colder than it was the year before. The wind is chilly and ardent. All night it throws itself at my windows, begging to be let in. Some of it seeps in, through the cracked pane of glass you promised to fix but never did. But then, you never were good at keeping promises.
One side of the bed is always cold and every time my hand creeps out of my cocoon of blankets, I'm assaulted by the unforgiving chill. I guess I need to break the habit of reaching out for you in my sleep.
The mornings are closer still. I think it's because I can't get coffee in bed anymore. I have to make it myself now. These days I drink it while looking out of the small kitchen window that overlooks the old bungalow we wanted to buy. The lawn outside it is white with the frost. I watch the sun rays kiss the chill out of the garden as I finish my coffee.
December is truly colder this year.
Daily reminder: you are beautiful and strong, try to eat something today, I know it can be hard but I'm proud of you. take care of yourself spoil yourself with something you like.. take bath or watch a movie or whatever you want, take a deep breath. remember to drink some water. Love - B
i’ll never move away from here