#withdrawal Tumblr posts

  • 12/6/19

    Starting on my 32nd day clean. It’s only 9 minutes after midnight but hey it’s a new day. I’m really trying this time again.

    The month of October I was using opiates heavily daily and into the first few days of November. I ended up going to rehab for 3 days and I was so sick and they didn’t do detox there so they sent me to a hospital for 3 days where they gave me subutex. Only those 3 days that gave that to me though and after detox I didn’t go back to rehab I went back to the duplex where I lived with my husband until august when we seperated. He’s been trying to work things out with me but honestly I’m still heartbroken and not able to forgive. He put me through hell getting with that girl I befriended from Narcotics Anonymous. An 18 year old. She acted like she was my best friend. We stopped being friends in September.. Then they started sleeping together or they were already. Anyway when I was using heavily. He had her in my bed. Moved in. Watching my kids and lying to my face. I used to “china white” 2 nights before rehab hoping it was fentayl cause there is only tar really here and hoping it would just kill me. It was some bullshit not strong enough to be fentayl and I didn’t fucking die. I’d already done several pills and tar that day. I spent like 1500 on opiates in like 4 weeks which is crazy when I went so long and even since I used opiates again after 2 years in may it never got that constant. That expensive until that month. I was taking care of bryans mom staying with her and she dropped her roxys all over the floor. Me and bryan were fighting I knew she had several so I kept some I found and then began searching it out everyday or it found me. People asking for help getting and would throw me some. It became too easy some days. A few times I was so sick I thought I was gonna die and was in shock because I forgot how bad that sickness was. Or that it could happen that fast. Anyway I don’t want some other bitch that I hate to be in this fucking house or watching my kids. I also don’t want to be sick or get arrested ever again. The truth is I do way better when I’m clean so I should stay that way. I just don’t give a fuck about myself most of the time though. I still want out of here but I’m scared to stay and scared to go. Also I was offered some roxys today and turned it down. Since I left detox I can’t tell you how many times people message or call offering free drugs. How fucked right.. But I’m not gonna give up like everyone fucking expects. Thanks for letting me share.

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  • Yeah okay so its been 10 days since I updated my journey, I kinda suck at this but I’ve also been overwhelmed with final papers and projects so lay off me ALRIGHT? 

    But anyway, its been smooth sailing for the most part. I still get nauseated from time to time, and the brain zaps are starting to become a thing. They don’t hurt they just feel super weird.

    I woke up nauseated and out of sorts at 3 am this morning, haven’t been to sleep since.

    Alcohol is still iffy. I went out with friends to celebrate the end of the semester at Chuy’s and treated myself to a blackberry mojito. It was okay, I felt tipsier than I should’ve but not as zooted as I was yesterday from the HALF of beer I had. Yes, half a beer makes me feel woozy. I know its the meds but still, wow. 

    So since this is day 14, that means I’ve been on this half dose of lexparo for a little over two weeks. I think I will continue this half dose until day 21, then move on to a 2.5 dose for two weeks. Then I should be done! Is that a little too optimistic? Maybe. Do I know what I’m doing? Not at all. Is anyone even reading these? Probably not. Am I still gonna keep blogging? Yes. 

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  • Word of advice. Never go cold turkey off benzos. Honestly I had no fucking idea it would be so bad. Finally got my klonopin late last night. I still can’t keep food down and I have a headache from hell. Luckily the constant shaking has stopped. I felt like I was coming off a hard drug like heroin. I have been on it for 3 years. Now I’m going to try and find a new psychiatrist who won’t leave me hanging.

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  • This episode is too good to gif! Main character was forcibly injected with drugs and is going through severe withdrawals. This episode is the withdrawals, episode 33 is amazeballs, unfortunately that is the only one that is not on YouTube. Curses! But if you have a chance to watch episode 33….it is a whump Dream. The noises he makes… this is Never Say Never or 善始善终.

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  • Submitted by anon - thanks!

    Listen… Listen… ALCOHOL WHUMP A depressed whumpee coping BADLY An alcoholic being denied alcohol by a whumper, bonus points if whithdrawl.

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  • I’m about to start withdrawing from Lexapro. Im to stop fully on December 1st. But I’ve started leaving time between doses already to make it smoother to quit and man the brain zaps are weird as hell. I’m hoping my symptoms won’t be too bad and I’ll still be able to live life normally. Wish me luck!!

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  • Just finished Queen of Nothing

    And I need some Jurdan illustrations NEEEOOWWW

    #withdrawal #queen of nothing #jurdan
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  • I spent the last 4 days bad tripping due to escitalopram withdrawal and I got to work today thinking I’m 100% back to normal.

    After having to come back to the professors’ office because I forgot my laptop, I’m starting to suspect I’m still not fine.

    #lexapro#withdrawal #my brain won't cooperate #make it stop
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  • Withdrawal

    So the same day I decided enough was enough with my weight, I also decided that enough was enough with the horrible way I have been treating my body in general. I’m a borderline alcoholic, I smoke almost a pack of cigarettes a day, I drink 2+ energy drinks per day, I spend hours and hours on Facebook and Instagram that always results in me feeling mentally drained and depressed. So that same day, I cut out Monster, I have cut my smoking down to 1-2 cigs a day (eventually shooting for 0), I haven’t been drinking everyday, and I deleted my FB and Insta so my only social media is tumblr which I have filled with fitness and positivity. It’s a lot to do at once and I know I’m gonna slip up from time to time but I had an epiphany for change and it lit a fire under my ass. Instead of facing my demons one by one, I’m starting a war against them all. I’m done feeling like my life is out of my control, my vices out of my control. By this time next year I don’t even want to be close to the same person.

    With that all being said, withdrawal is a bitch.

    #health & fitness #withdrawal#weight loss#vices#fitblr#fit#life changes #sucking out the poison
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  • Cullen’s struggle

    image

    We can see Cullen’s struggle with lyrium addiction or better said the withdrawal during a few cut scenes or can hear it in conversations.

    He always tries to be strong, to be the best commander, to be a better person. He fights but at one point he thinks he can’t fulfill what he promised to be.

    In the scene shown above we can see his vulnerability. A lion which is wounded. A warrior who surrenders. The look on his face breaks my heart. He looks so helpless, desperate. I’m glad that Cassandra and the Inquisitor believe in him and help him with his fight because nobody can do this alone. Nobody.

    Sometimes even the greatest and most experienced warrior needs help from people who love him. ❤

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    • Withdrawal: I feel sad.
    • Finale: I have emotional jumper cables. I’ll boost you. Just attach it like this...
    • Withdrawal: This is just a hug.
    • Finale: Is it working?
    • Withdrawal: ...yes.
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  • Day 22. Feeling cautiously optimistic? 

    I know the drug is still gonna be in my system for another 24 hours, so I can’t fully know how I’m coping with the withdrawal symptoms until then, but jfc I don’t have any torso pains today!

    I have a headache and that fucking cough but I’m pretty sure the headaches are because I’ve been such a self-pitying baby over the last three weeks that I completely stopped stretching because unnecessary movement was an absolute no-go (even though, admittedly, stretching and basic yoga is a necessity because otherwise I seize up and get extreme headaches). & then the cough is just a cough. Annoying af but oh well. 

    That stupid macy’s Christmas ad that made me cry last week came on again tonight and I just cringed and laughed at how bad it was instead of tearing up. I did tear up when I thought about one of my cats who died a few years ago but I’m pretty sure that’s normal emotion, and not drug withdrawal emotion? 

    My head actually felt clear enough to tolerate speaking to people without it being a colossal effort. I put the TV on for fun instead of something mindless to do that filled the time while I tried to stop shaking. 

    Also, my brain is actually working enough where I fucking wrote something

    I’ve been feeling really frustrated about my lack of writing for the last three weeks. I did try - and actually (very painfully) succeeded - in the first week, but that was because I absolutely had to get something to my manager by a deadline, in order to be ready for a particular pitch. But there were words and chunks missing and I had to read over it so, so, many times before I sent it to him so I could fix all my brain blanks. And it just hurt my head so much in Week 2, and I had so many pitches to focus on, that it just didn’t happen. And I was beating myself up so badly over the lack of writing that I had to actively give myself permission to not work after that, otherwise I would have kept trying, kept failing, and made myself more miserable. I just had to take a little break 

    I don’t have any other deadlines for new work due in to my manager at the moment, but I have self-imposed deadlines, so I feel awful at being behind on them. I’m a fast worker so normally I could easily make up the time, but, while I do feel better, I don’t feel tip-top. My brain still blanks. I still have to think longer to remember basic words when I’m typing. 

    But I’m feeling positive. 

    Obviously, time will tell and maybe in 3 or 4 days when my body realises the drug’s no longer in its system it will throw a tantrum and I’ll be back to crying and shaking, but I’m feeling really good about not feeling awful today. There’s possibly even a smile on my face. 

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  • SEASONAL

    When it’s cold outside

    I want arms around me

    Come summertime

    That melts away


    We’ll be laying there

    Trying to sweat each other out

    With nothing left

    To do or say


    It’s seasonal

    The way I work

    And reasonable

    To walk away


    The leaves fall off

    Root systems rot

    All good intentions

    Soon decay



    Follow me on IG @genocideforjenny

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  • effexor withdrawal makes me super fuckign sleepy but every time I fall asleep I have some terrible utterly traumatizing nightmare I’ve had several in the last 48hrs. like I wish I could just not go to sleep but like I said it makes me incredibly sleepy, and the nightmares aren’t bad because of what’s in them its the feeling of sheer panic and horror then waking up in a cold sweat shaking

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  • Sitting on your wrist to stop yourself cutting it open.

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  • Withdrawals suck

    I’m withdrawing from alcohol right now and it sucks. Sweats, shaking, chills, clammy hands and fatigue.

    I can do this. I can do this.

    I never want to experience this feeling again.

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  • SSRI Discontinuation Syndrome: a big thanks to my doctor for not tellin’ me about it!

    Me: idk man I’ve just been super irritated and tired and I’ve been having a lot of sensory overload,  headaches, and a ton of anxiety!

    Counselor: Hm. You’re in withdrawal

    Me: :o

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  • I’m so tired of no one understanding, they all think I’m crazy, but they don’t know how crazy I really am. I’m losing my mind,

    #crazy#actually bpd#bpd problems#phycho #my body isnt mine #help#kill me #i want to die #I want to disappear #i want it to stop #i need help #depression#anxious#drug addiction#withdrawal
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  • Is there a texting service available that you can talk to in the event of a drug relapse?

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