Blood coats her lips, and you, you have been looking for a place to settle, and her eyes beckon you and her hips welcome you and her lips swallow your doubts whole.
There is something so frightening about saying “I love you” in my native language. It sounds like a commitment, like every time I say it, I promise that no one else will ever hear it fall off my lips. It makes my lungs tighten and my fingers shake and I can’t look you in the eyes. It feels like I just told you my deepest secrets and let you know me completely, intimately. I trust you with my soul as I whisper “milujem ťa” into the air between us and I really want you to kiss those words of my lips.
All I could ever hope to do is make you only think of me
In another lifetime / we were better people // In another lifetime we could let go / with love / without sharp teeth / and wounding hands // darling in another lifetime / we could have been gentle to the last
Why are you in my dreams?
Lost path in my subconscious
Heavy breathing, trembling hands
Twisted destinies, my pulse accelerates
Unknown touch, unknown voice
Deep blue water of your eyes
My scream, on us falling skies
Vivid dreams, almost real feels
And my burning skin remembers
Details, details, details..
a stranger’s eyes in a familiar face // RR
Why can’t I remember the day I stopped wanting her? That’s a rhetorical question, I know why. The newspaper said today some generals were giving up a fight and I am too, I am carving out my years from the compost heap where I shoveled my potential like it was nothing, like I was nothing.
When you love someone from a distance for too long, you forget it’s the being loved that people write songs about, it’s being known and desired, not hiding in a bear cave under a cover of thick snow. I’ve no right to say her name, anymore, but why do I want to? That’s a rhetorical question, I know why.
Can’t you feel the air is different, now the earth shakes where I step and I don’t believe in God anymore, and when you spend long enough reading about the worst genes in your inherited legacy, you forget about joy sometimes. I know I wasn’t brave enough to let her see me, I chose to leave her but she was the one who chose not to say goodbye.
I want so much.
I want someone to hold me or someone to hold, and I want to cuddle on the couch or in bed while watching a movie. I want to mindlessly play with someone's hair while we scroll through our phones and we say nothing.
I want intimacy, but the kind you find in cheek kisses and hugs in the kitchen. I want to lay outside with someone on a day when the sky is bright, while they absorb the warmth of the sun and I absorb the warmth they give off by simply existing. I want to cuddle on a rainy fall day with the window open just a bit while listening to soft music play in the background, mumbling meaningless words to each other as we fall in and out of sleep. I want to sit in a room with someone while we each do whatever we want, and neither of us mind the silence, so long as the other is there.
I want to feel like I belong to someone. I want to feel safe and secure in knowing that someone loves me, and I want someone to feel safe and secure in knowing that I love them.
to my once lover,
you never deserved my time
seeing how my love and care
was wasted - taken for granted