Spare the baseless
Judgment–high and mighty
Hoity toity holier-than-thou
Mouthing off spouting out
Hateful opinions, outdated
Attitudes against two living
And loving with softness
Edge of fervent fiery
Passion pulling together
Adoringly imbuing every look
And touch with sweetest sapidity
It would be nice to know
Others see that and accept
But it’s not wholly necessary
When you see and accept
One another wholeheartedly
What is longing? Is it love? I miss you when I am not with you. When I am with you it is never long enough.
I just want to love you
and you know I do,
and it’s ingrained within me,
a part of my DNA,
a part of my soul,
so I know it’s true,
but there are some days where I just need to love you,
hold you close,
wrap my arms around you and hear our hearts beat in sync,
and whisper to you a thousand and one times that I love you,
but it still won’t be enough to get my point across,
because how can so much meaning fit into
and I know you know,
but sometimes I just need to say it again, because
i’m pulled to you like gravity and
i’ve never wanted to be dragged deeper into our love more.
so let me hold you,
and we can fall together,
because falling in love is the best type of falling
- and i’m still falling for you more everyday // a.k.
I’m writing again. You broke me enough that the words are leaking back through the cracks.
An Empty Rain
Heavy as those clouds he felt,
Yet no signs of doubt and regret,
The rain starts to pour with no rest,
Endless stream of woe within his chest.
Heavy as the rain he felt,
But the clouds looked heavy yet dry,
No raindrops poured from the sky,
For there are no more tears left to cry.
You playing with your brother
On my first day in my new home,
I walked over to the balcony and looked at the mountains and the sea in front of me
I didn’t realize, I didn’t know…that day would be marking such a stark before and after in my life
My childhood and my adolescence
Coming to your home for the first time
With my parents during religious celebrations
Going up to the rooftop
You calling her prettier than me
And then ignoring her to talk to me
But you were 13 so I can forgive your games
Us always standing in the lobby
In front of the wall length mirror
Comparing our heights
That year during Diwali
I made a card and brought it over to your place with the sweets my mom had sent
I gave it your mother, ignoring you while you stood there at the door looking at me
It was for you but I was never going to admit it
I remember the next year during Diwali
You came up to my home with a card
And you gave it to my sister while I stood at the door looking at you
It was for me, I know
You didn’t need to tell me, I just knew
Trying to study for my stupid exams
In my balcony on the swing
And you throwing up chits with scribbled words I can’t remember
Always my entertainment, you were always the lightness of my days
Having to meet each other every day
To “play” with the other kids in the neighborhood
But we honestly just argued and then pacified each other
Drifting away after those intense few years
We stopped coming down to play
Or calling each other to
But I also remember
Still comparing our heights in that mirror every time we came across each other
That day so vividly when my heart was breaking
And I was crying and crying and crying
You saw me…
We hadn’t spoken for a while…
You saw me cry and you walked away
5 minutes later, M found me
I saw you walking away
You had asked him to come to me
You knew he knew what was up
You knew he would be able to understand and comfort me
You smiled and winked before walking away
But see, that’s the thing, by doing just that, you had walked closer to me
Not telling you goodbye before I moved away
Never speaking to you again
It’s been years now
Over 10 since we first met
But I remember
I still remember all those nights I sat alone in my balcony,
Feeling lost, confused, sad
And you in yours,
Singing…knowing I was there too.
My love is free. You can take what you need. I’ll know your love is true, if you don’t leave me broken and bruised.
I think you wanted to love me. You just didn’t know how.
“a love that holds your hand on your bad days and weak moments and tells you that it knows you deeper than you’re feeling about yourself right now. a love that reassures you that even though you may be in a place of darkness that you are still seen. a judgement free kind of love.”
Because freedom, I am told, is nothing but the distance between the hunter and its prey.
- On earth we’re briefly gorgeous, Ocean Vuong
Sometimes I say your name, though your not here, like lyrics to a song. There are days I feel you’re here again. I hear you sing along.
The pizza crust soles of our feet
have salted wounds and shoes
bite more that the roads.
Who made the shoes? Who
salted the wounds?
The backpacks tangled with
our spines would stay intact
through the most brutal autopsies.
We are here to live
but we tend to undervalue sleep,
it is bound come at us howling
after eleven months. Like careless
parents and lovers who come back
to claim their blood.
On the streets of the city
I live in, bipeds crawl uttering
a bruttish grumble. No one is sure
of the exitence of their spines.
And they won’t let anyone perform
the autopsies. They certainly have
the backpacks tangled somewhere.
Perhaps trapping the feet, perhaps
trepanning the head.
You gave me the best moments
only to take them all back
and part of me is missing
so I retrace my steps to 2013
to try to save the minutes
from my favorite days.
You tell me I’ll find a life
better than my past,
so why do I still feel like I need it?
- all of the clocks are broken and they won’t reset // h.w
‘should’ve loved me better’
artwork by Cristophe Laslaud