so that society can never eat you alive. 🌿
i thought i was a cool girl but i turned out to be a one dimensional figment of men’s imagination with no real goals or aspirations besides to *not care* cutely and acceptably
the women in your life are not pretending to be chill but freaking out on the inside. they are just real people and many girls are cool
Mothers: like the ship of time
they sail with their own legacy of knowing
The knowing willows cannot claim that they are always right but they can forcefully implanted their own seed of mindset of their own right as the reproductive symbol of life to supremely be entitled over their younglings decisions, choices even rights to believe in their own ability, skill, capacity of living their own lives
I am no mother, but throughout the lifespan of becoming my own self, I had endured the most impenetrable relationship between my mother’s power to subdue my wants, needs & desires as a daughter than to allow me to be the human with a soul that must learn to grow on her own & who is allowed to make her own decisions, choices in life even if it will contradicts to my mother’s idealistic perspective of me
Yet, I fought it. I fought for my rights. My growth. Myself. Despite the severity in the past that would have caused a great deal of cutting me out of the family, yet I fought for it.
Mothers are soulmates. You have a cord that was attached to them since you were conceived, then you still continually to have that cord attached to you for the rest of your life. This, makes them believe that they have the right all over you, that they must be the one to execute all of your decisions, your choices, your life journeys. But this is just a mindset, an automatic thinking of motherhood, that they own you, you came from them therefore you must obey, must follow, must, must, must
But they forgot, that once they were just like you, they too had their own dreams, desires, wants, needs & perhaps their own mothers had another plan that didn’t correlate to these aspects of their lives
Did they ever fought for it? or did they just give in & now they took it out on you?
See how everything is just a mindset & a continuous cycle of what’s allowed & what’s not?
My grandmama was a gentle soul. My grandpapa left her & her three children. My mama was the oldest, coming from such a rigid patriarchal society, to be alone with three kids, you will be judged
How you brought up your children to how you behave will be watched
But I know, my grandmama though tough yet she had allowed her children, including my mama to be herself. They will fight, like any relationship they will disagree but at the end of the day, they both understood each other’s wanting or agree to disagree & move on
My relationship with my mother is almost unspeakable in the past. She has a sharp tongue. They had lashed me simply for coming out of the closet & being myself
Like as though it was a sin to be who I am. As though to speak up for what I believe is against the Ten Commandments of “you must obey your parents
She had poured salt on my ex partner Jane’s (our bed, bedroom) in the past just to send away the demon who she thought had possessed us to become this two girls purely falling in love with one another.
We laughed at this now.
The acceptance of it was the hardest that how can someone she breed, feed through her belly became someone unrecognised to her?
Again it is the mindset
We are not here to be our parents’ idealistic offsprings, I have this belief as I grow older that parents should be the main motivators, supporters of their children’s dreams considering it is for their greatest & highest goods, protecting without controlling of their children’s well-being.
At the end end of the day, we will always be clashing with our parents , but it’s up to us to be tolerant & tolerable, forgiving & understanding, to the maximum requirement of being the offspring as well as being your own human self that needs to learn on your own without them, with them & against them for as long as it will not harm anyone, that it is for the purpose of growth to both parties, then that is all that matters. —
(When you’re doing errands with connection dropping on & off, accompanied by your own mother’s own annoyance & judgment of things, it does makes you write about it —)
D do D C de O
April 1, 2019
(Old writing on what shall resonates otherwise it isn’t for you)
& they said when you turn 21 you’re a woman the same as when you’re born | then the same as you reach any age then the same as taking a task, given a responsibility, doing all that woman stuff | then more so the same as the day you die | womanhood is that a job? a consistency of expectation? | what of this title? to be demanded & desired upon? | & they said, they all said it | & I guess I feel more than then | what a waste of a definition, to be define again, over, again & over like you must be reminded of your own nature, your own identity that you are that or of sort: a woman, mulher, mujer, dona, femme, vrouw, γυναίκα, կին, femina, wanita, feto, wahine, महिला et cetera -
D do D C de O
Sunday , July 5th , 2020
Peu représentées dans les livres d'histoire, les femmes ont toujours occupé des places primordiales dans les structures de pouvoir de leurs pays et dans les luttes pour l'émancipation de leurs peuples. Panafricanistes, féministes ou anticolonialistes, reines ou héroïnes, elles sont nombreuses à défier les clichés encore à l'oeuvre sur la “femme africaine”, ou la femme tout court…
C'est dans cette optique que la plateforme Woman africa initie un live avec notre warrior CHRISTELLE KEDI ( founder think tank Femme Noire sensuelle / fashion writer / wellbeing activist…) sur le thème : Femmes Africaines et décisionnaires du passé
Prenez donc rendez-vous le Samedi 11 juillet 2020 à partir de 13 h 00 sur la page Facebook de WOMAN AFRICA
I fucking hate periods. It feels like Satan is tossing a salad in my uterus.
I was on my period and in pain so I asked my mother why being a woman is so painful and her answer was that Eve stole the first apple
Womanhood is not about wearing lipstick orhaving big tits and a firm ass
Womanhood is about getting a guy DMing you his facesitting fantasy after you write a 4000 word essay about your dissociative episode
this is such a random thought but why does men congratulating you feel so infantilizing. now idrk how to congratulate someone w/o sounding like i have a superiority complex. everytime men have congratulated me, it just reminded me that that was, in a way, a tiny proof of how men are always in higher places compared to women
also i just noticed i’ve never been congratulated by a woman so whenever *i* do it it doesn’t feel genuine to me. it also kind rly hurts me, that i don’t have this kind of rship w any woman in my life. the only person i feel very close to is a cishet man like… barf❤️
You know what truly fascinats me? When a woman is sharing her experience of sexism and misogyny and men be like: “NooooOooO tHiS iS nOt TrUe!!!! GiVe mE sOuRcEs!!!!GiVe mE ExAPLe!!!! YoU aRe mAkInG ThIs uP!!! mEn aRe mOrE pReSsEd!!!!! Go BaCk To tHe kItChEn dIsHwAsHer!!!!”
-Dickinson (2019) dir. Alena Smith
APHORISMS by 𝓒.
1. Don’t have any kids or date any man seriously during your 20s. Enjoy your youth and be selfish. Your 30s is your sexual prime, but your 20s is your freedom.
2. There’s no such thing as a surprise when it comes to matter of the heart, there’s always a sign, an indicator between the words, and every woman has a voice inside and they choose to answer the noise.
3. If a man asks you for money, don’t give it to him; not even for Sunday offering.
4. Be careful of who you get gossip from, a dog that’ll bring a bone will take one.
5. If someone is gossiping or lying on you, always tell people “consider the source”
6. If you have to worry about a man leaving you for another woman, he was never really yours in the first place.
7. Never be too big for your britches, bird fly high but got to come down to the ground to get water sooner or later.
8. [We were talking about my uncle and his destructive relationship with his son and our side of the family, and my aunt said this, apparently it’s an African proverb] “a child that is not embraced by the village will burn it down to feel its warmth”.
*Brief excerpts from a conversation with wise women. Golden advice generously passed on to me by my dearest friend, 𝓒. (4/21/19)
Even when people try to say universal things about ~womanhood~ like it just feels weird sometimes. it often comes from a place of seeing gender as a binary, and often from gender rolls or in reaction to gender rolls. Not all women experience the same things, and those experiences don’t mean I’m a woman.
Like the identity of woman is good for some people but to me its feels like its a prison. You will have kids. You will get married to a man. You will have to deal with men who are careless, because thats a woman! Someone who picks up after men. Someone who uses their sexuality to make men play nice.
Though there’s other things that are feminine that I enjoy and feel like I’m a part of, but its almost for sad reasons? I love feeling comraderie with girls I just met because we’re hyping each other up in the bathroom of an event. Like that rarely happens, some women are jerks, but it feels like something more common with girls? I dunno. Its only common with girls because most guys wouldn’t understand how important it is for us socially to look good. But dressing for men isn’t just a feminine experience. Its kind of an oppressive experience sometimes though because its what’s expected of me.
Born again by Remedios Varo
if you hate shaving your legs and have an actual melt down when having to do so, and it makes you hate your body even more because it forces you to look closely at one of it’s “flaws”…
clap your hands
if your mother calls you a baby and crazy over refusing to shave often and insinuates that’s the reason you’ll never find a relationship, while also bashing your feminist views…
clap your hands
and if you really hate your body, to the point of having to do any kind of “maintenance” to if makes you sick, and the feminine beauty standards sure as hell does not help your disgusted view of yourself, but actually make everything worse, and you hope to just exist with no expectations whatsoever, especially regarding gender/beauty…
clap your hands :)