Our second semester just started yesterday, and just by looking at the amount of school works we needed to do I feel like up at the sky outside and imagine me flying away from the responsibilities the society put in my shoulders.
Whenever I look at my previous school outputs now I can’t help but imagine why and how an honor student like me became the not-so-lazy-but-rather-look-up-at-the-sky-instead-of-doing-my-homework type of student now.
And I would sometimes ask, why now that I’m in college only I start valuing my self, memories, and most of all, money.
I push away the people I’m afraid to lose because that way, I can take control of their leaving me.
Because people always leave – and, in most cases, they do not come back. I have a history of losing people. I’ve had a lot of temporal friends growing up and I’ve always lost them the same way. When I feel that the end is dawning, I steel my heart and take steps backwards.
But we all protect ourselves somehow, right? Usually distance – mentally, physically, heartily, does the trick. But when it comes to him, that’s just not enough.
I’m wasn’t ready for him to fade out of my life when I left him. But we’re never really ready to lose someone. We imagine our friends, our families immovable, invariable, immortal just so we don’t have to face that fact that someday, almost all of them will leave us.
Maybe sometimes they do come back. And yes, other times, we’re the ones doing the leaving. Sometimes, we might even go after them.
But mostly, we just start a new life without them. Because that’s what it really takes to get over losing someone.
You have to find a new reality that doesn’t involve that certain piece of your heart that just walked away.