it’s in the wee hours of the night

when most have succumbed to slumber

there she lay with a chaos in her head

voices screaming regrets

sea of thoughts stealing her breaths

fears morphed into monsters without faces

it’s in the wee hours of the night

when most are in deep trance

there she is on the verge of breaking down

in doubts she constantly drowns

as ghosts of the past play around

and shortcomings loom like clouds

it’s in the wee hours of the night

when most are in the comfort of their dreams

there she lay crying herself to sleep

hard as it may seem

but it’s always the same

it’s always the same.

i think the aim of my writing is to learn how to:
draw the rest of the fucking owl.

you know, those shitty tutorials where:
step 1, draw a circle for the head
step 2, draw a circle for the body
step 3, draw the rest of the owl.

i’m beating out in the dark,
smacking my body of mind into random walls,
beating on them until they give way; -
crude, rude, bellowing crap-bricks,
learning how to get to the flow-state
of dead-mind and still-body,
until i can write something without even thinking about it,
the way the words flow and the worlds collide,
in musical refrain.

this is also the way i songwrite,
except with the editing step missing,
the part where i sing a song over and over and over and over again,
on infinite refrain,
and if i remember it the next day it’s a song that i keep.

i don’t do this in poetry,
but it’s the aim of
drawing the motherfucking owl
without knowing a goddamn thing about how to do it.

from the speckled night skies of my deepest thoughts, the people of the world plucked the little lights and wove them into constellations of their very own.

…and I was left choking on echoes of my own stars

who am I to tell them no; do we not reside in the same universe?

how I wish the world changed just a bit slower

slow enough that my heart’s will may not falter

echoes *ೃ ࿐ fleurellette

The tea’s hot!

The weather’s not.

(Isn’t that great?)

Computer screen on.

Characters dancing arm in arm to a cheesy song.

I settle in.

It had been a long day.

Meetings, classes and pointless talks.

I almost ran away.

Alas, something kept me going.

Yawning, I kept the coffee flowing.

Some days are simply tedious, you can’t deny.

Though what can be done, we must strive.

But there’s a light at the end of the tunnel, as they say.

No, not fame and wealth, you fools!

Just the weekend, or as we say,

Fri-yay.

-Tavleen

Day 4 of Napowrimo

it’s all those faults

you will miss

when my picture

is all you can kiss

Fat

I feel like

I’m not even human anymore

Like my stomach is

It’s own entity

And it’s sheer volume

Is sitting beside me

Drowning it it’s fat

Taunting me, egging me on

Another one won’t hurt, it reasons

I’m still me, I think

But when I catch a glimpse

The mirror plays tricks on me

I don’t recognize who I see

I look like someone else

I’m just a stranger

In a full body mask

Waiting to be revealed

MissUnsolicited

- I wrote this about 3 years ago when I was quite overweight. It was just before I made the decision to change my life and I lose close to 170lbs.

I wanna hold ya

Like it’s June in the West End

Back when you were my best friend

Before love came to kill us

Lyrics by Jessie Reyez via MissUnsolicited

beneath the morning’s expanse of sky,

I injest smoky vapers wafting

steadily from tranquil waters,

above, a silkworm’s needle

punctures the cloud path

stitching an angel’s wing

its elongated shape traipsing below

heaven’s dome to graze

my palm in tenderness

emblazoned with sleek sun

we become

I am dawn’s daughter

inverted reflection, copper-stained

eyes stamped by hesitations, resistant pull

upon her ethereal insistence

until my downy wing ascends

as liquid to her sky

and daybreak’s prophecy uplifting

our comingled flight steers

my airy heart’s sojourn towards love

Rhapsodyinblue80// daybreak

Image by Rhapsody

(Prompt: the cloud formed an angel wing lifting my soul and I felt it take flight💕)

To feel alone

Makes roses dead where once grown

Shunned as if an outcast

Like a black sheep contrast

Differences to compare

Opinions I continued to care

In a crowd, I felt as the only one

A misfit with confidence as none

With vices misunderstood

I longed for someone good

To accompany me

In making wholesome memories

Instead I watch as flowers die

Sitting alone, continuing to cry

it’s not right for you to be just fallen in love with. i will take the whole damn gravity out of the equation if it means i can love you without ever falling out. without limits. without spaces. without ever reaching the ground.

it’s not right to just say i love you in words. i will spell it in constellations. i will carve it in gold. i will drip it in blood. i will sing it even if my lungs give out. and i will never tire of telling you the depth of my love for you, even if it’s the last of my breath. i promise.

it’s not right for you to settle less than what you deserve. i can’t give you the world but i can give you my life. i can give you other people’s lives. i will die in a heartbeat for you. i will kill for you. i’m a slave at your disposal. make me a criminal. make me yours. i will do everything and i will follow you to the edge of the earth or to the bottom of it; to hell, fuck it. i’ll follow you still. if you will have me.

I can feel her heat
a thousand miles away.

Midnite Wine / H E A T

Just For Today

This long night we’ve come into

holds both nightmare and dream

mark this passing solemn time

be energized the wonderful cream

rising to the top of the turmoil

love acknowledged bursting out

appropriate fully feel them both

weeping tears and dance and shout

transformation it’s power consuming

our world will be a different place

a new season is dawning quickly

for those who follow the pace

we can’t see the beauty this seed

it holds a brand-new way of life

first the seed is burried deep soil

warm sun new day after some strife

let your tears fall to water the future

of all the fortunate who will remain

all grief has just a season to heal

let it come be still to relieve our pain

Note: A new world we aren’t yet able to imagine is taking shape in the ether. It is unseen as yet, but we’re living through the trembling construction of new life preparing for it’s birth. Those who live through this pandemic can simply return to living as we always have, or use the new foundation to build a better life for all of humanity.

This is similar to the Spanish Flu Pandemic of 1918. Within a decade came the great depression. The internet has given true power back to the masses. Please,simply begin planting seeds of love and kindness in every encounter you are able to. We have the power to come out of this into an even more beautiful and abundant life.

I may not survive this, you may not. Live today fully. Send a note to someone who’s scared or struggling, chat, call. Let’s hold each other up and contribute to the new foundation of wonder by living beautifully, even in our isolation.

I love you

Lost Dog (4.4.2020)

over the years (it hasn’t been any easier to swallow) // jay brooks

Twelve feet of aluminumis not enough, hand overhand and foot over foot,slinging leg overtop, andwatching the sky.

Heavy, leaden, fingers
lacing together, closing
the blue sky like eyes.

Flash. Flash and rumble.

The air smells like water
and fire. The air smells
like metal. The air smells

like death.

To my left, flowers and field.
To my right, heavy chunks of
steel and cable wide as my forearm.
Above me, the will of god
in violet (violent) slashes.

Below me, a sign that screams
“DANGER HIGH VOLTAGE”.

What could that mean to me?
For I am seven, and I am

invincible.

– S. E. De Haven

4. 

Play me like a fool,
I’ll keep acting like it’s all cool.
My heart needs one of two things to beat,
Love or pain and hence I often have to cheat.

Love is hard to come by…
So I let you hurt me and find a new lover every July.

It’s only when I’m wronged by others,
Can I show any compassion towards myself and so I must continue to suffer.

You see, this is how twisted I am.
And there you are thinking only your heart is giving an exam!
It gets hard to differentiate the pleasure from the pain,
‘Can’t you just take a break?’ says my brain.

‘For that I’ll have to die’, my heart kindly replies.
And I to myself - But I already have a thousand times.
‘Shall we overthrow the heart?’ the rest of my body whispers,
‘After all, millions live without a heart even though life starts to feel like a never-ending winter’.

I contemplate for a minute seriously.
I mean, I have always been fond of winter quite curiously.
Life would be a lot more convenient without giving my heart any say,
I’m almost tempted to start planning for that day.

But if I too abandon my heart like everyone else,
Aren’t I really just giving up on myself?
So I schedule a meeting with all my body parts -
‘The heart is one of us and we have to look after it because it’s a work of art’
And art, they say, is not supposed to be beautiful or easy,
It’s supposed to make you feel something even if sometimes that’s uneasy.

Oh my heart, do what you wish!
When we’re older, I’ll write your story so rich.
It may be messy and unpretty,
But because of you I am indeed creating nikki. 

— April 4th, Saturday     
     Napowrimo, 2020

Mistake

My heart feels a jolt.

No, I scream. Silently.

Where’s the undo button?

My hands shake, trying to find it.

I know there isn’t one.

Not again, I cry.

Another day,

Another mistake.

Is this guilt or a sack of rocks?

Lying heavily on my chest.

Following me around wherever I go.

Can you see it?

My anguish

Can you forgive me?

I probably don’t deserve it.

It dulls with time.

One by one, the rocks fall off.

But their indentation remains.

I hold on to it.

And wait for my penance.

Never again, I whisper.

Of course, only until I reach

Another day,

Another mistake.

- Tavleen

Day 3 of Napowrimo

I saw shining in your eyes

Past the darkness that once had lied

It taught you what love meant

And how to be pure with intent

The brightness in you

Brought the light out of others too

With a smile you conquered your pain

As if your demons were dragons to slay

Once felt as an unfixable tragedy

You found glory within amnesty

And the meaning of love unconditionally

You chose to live a life full of chivalry

With politeness and a change of heart

Allowing nothing to tear you apart

You let the darkness of the past

Became your light meant to last

Three 4-lined poems I’ve written this week.

I’m finding that everything that I need to say right now can be said in 4 short lines.

Those colors you’re always hiding,

they showed themselves today.

They hit me with cruel words,

and I couldn’t keep the tears at bay.

*****************

*****************

The world is sick,

decaying before our eyes,

as we sit in silence,

and believe our own lies.

******************

******************

I don’t want to fake that I’m happy.

I don’t want to hide my tears.

I don’t want to pretend in silence.

I don’t want to face my fears.

oh so this is what it feels like to be happy

(why is it that I’m already trying to brace myself to lose it, already longing to have this for the rest of my life, already aching when I should really spend the next four months just trying to soak it in?)