Sometime later we got invited to a party across the street from Mark and Danny’s house. I began to drink and think. Brooding on my own miseries, I saw the excesses of this exercise stark and clear. Mark, in his infinite wisdom, had hit the nail on the head. Girls really don’t like me as much as I think they do. Hmph. And what does Mark know about women? So as the fine little tarts passed by in the kitchen I reached out and fondled their asses. The reaction was quick and violent.
‘What the fuck?’ one called, and the mood began to shift. All eyes became focused on me. I suppose Mark was right, they really don’t like me.
‘What?’
The girl paused a moment then put her drink down on the counter.
‘Did you just grab my ass?’
‘What of it?’
I began to drink out of my solo cup when a guy to the left of me knocked it out of my hands.
‘Jesus Christ, what?’
‘What the fuck is wrong with you?’
‘Oh, I just thought you were into that sort of thing.’
By now the commotion had reached Mark and Danny, who came forward to see what was the matter. Imagine their friendly disappointment when they found out I was the problem.
‘I think you need to leave,’ said someone.
‘Fucking creep,’ said another.
‘What difference does it make? You already had your mind made up,’ I said.
‘What the fuck are you talking about?’
A boy shoved me from behind and I fell into the girl who now screamed. Mark and Danny came forward and grabbed me by the arms.
‘Your friend’s a prick.’
‘He’s just drunk.’
‘We’re leaving.’
Someone spit on me on the way out. I suppose I deserved it.
‘What the fuck is wrong with you, Moynahan?’ said Mark as he escorted me across the street.
‘You were right, Mark.’
‘Right about what?’
‘Look at this.’
I pulled out a can of lighter fluid from my waistband.
‘Where’d you get that?’
‘I stole it.’ I indicated behind me.
‘What in the fuck did you steal for?’
I shrugged and laughed. The entire event was incredibly funny to me. Danny and Mark looked from me to each other. I’m not sure what they were thinking.
