A new phase, different circumstances,

Mien... same old, same old,

Only, a different kind of disquietude,

Has emerged, more potent,

In periods of peace and calm,

Towards the break of dawn,

Tranquility morphs into chaos,

All I can perceive is a distorted reality,

One that haunts me endlessly,

Each dawn much more worrisome,

Than the last,

Hope, Faith, Love,

I hold onto, as I see no other way out,

Than to believe that,

Am an overcomer, a conquerer,

Through Him who loves unconditionally,

That some day my struggles,

Though cumbersome,

Will be no more than a distant memory,

That all I aspire to be,

Shall surely come to pass.

Sarah. Irura

“dear future self”

Stay sober, for once stay sober and healthy. If you do not you will die.

Please understand that addiction has consumed my entire mental and physical being in the past, the future must hold no place for it.

I’ve been homeless, lost my wife and son, lost my family, lost my friends, overdosed when I was 15, gone to treatment and other programs on for it to become and ever so repetitious journey, lost promising jobs, lost cars, and been in debt deeper then the Mariana Trench.

Doesn’t sound fun does it?

It fucking wasn’t.

My life has been nothing more then a timeline of progressively darker days and there is no more room for this mold to grow.

If you do not you will die.

Understand this and accept it like a coward or fight to prove the keyboard warriors who spit on your name vulnerable and manipulated sheep. I believe that the future me will either be a mere memory in only a few minds or I will strive and succeed as the sheep begin to herd back together.

The pain of being the public enemy number one at the edge of a devious woman’s blade is haunting. I miss homemade toffee and delicious home meals. But not from my kitchen. Always our neighbors. My home was a lot more more memorable in a traumatizing kind of way. Not the ideal place or environment for a young boy to be raised. Let alone 2 younger boys and a older girl. Places alike bring back all the cold memories of my younger years. I don’t recall many of them anymore and don’t like to think much about it, but it still weighs heavy on me like cannon balls on a chain wrapped around my neck and anchoring me to the ground.

One day I’ll be better. One day I’ll be better. One day I’ll be better. Manifestation is a phenomenon. One day I will be okay. One day I’ll be able to breathe. One day. One day.

i.r.

Beside you

I lay half asleep Imagining I let my mind drift The night shadows working their own particular magic Transforming the pillow beside me into you I look into your eyes Past your irises Into the depths of your soul I see the secrets buried there Secrets implanted before the beginning of time Mini vaults waiting to be unlocked I watch the rise and fall of your chest My breathing adjusting without effort To match your own The tension between us is familiar and yet unknown As though we are on the cusp of unexpected delight Hidden pleasure Waiting to de discovered Yet I am in no hurry to touch you There is no sense of urgency As my soul binds with yours I feel a sense of homecoming Belonging That I have known exits But have never experienced I am in no hurry To move from this place Of knowing The feeling of calmness Of peace Of truly being alive That being next to you brings.

Delightsofmysoul 20 June 2021

“tortured soul” 06/07/21 1:40pm

Droopy Juniper

My folks call it *****

I don't know it by

Any other name - another rose

Another thorn in my mane

Buy a bouquet and mansplain a stoner

She braining my dome with pebbles

I'm taking the 2 train home

I'm on the 4train for some

r o g a i n e

Surfing 4chan with my zenpais

Want a 4some with my 4head?

I got 2 and you're the 1

That's not rubber that's just

4skin

Wish my parents had the 4sight

When they 4ced me out the womb

© @parasomnambulist June 19, 2021

Manifesting Love (A nonet)

The knot of love easy as breathing when entangling,

But as hard as forgiving when its unravelling,

Love comes with the burden of expectations,

But my love turned into devotion,

Does not even require you,

Company even in recluse,

Grant one wish,

Benign bliss,

Exist...

if you’ve ever stepped onto the porch to smoke and watched the exhaled plumes build on the horizon, heard the hungry birds fall silent, felt the pressure drop like a man in a noose, if you’ve ever felt the cacophony of a forest die and a storm rise out of nothing but five minutes time then you know, you know the feeling of your fingers on the pulse of the world and the center of a churning universe the sensation of feeling the rhythm fall still and for a moment for a moment you know the power of a god bridled within a beast you are infinite and immortal until those winds release,

when the rain breaks free and sheets sideways against your rattling home when the trees bend their better parts down low in submission you know best to do the same, and when that storm subsides the light piercing the cracks on high will shine in something resembling daybreak in a mirror,

you will see things clearer than ever before and the birds will return still hungry and somehow still here, you will step out later to smoke again and hear thunder building in the east

@cherokeeghostwriter post storm prompt

Diamond (That You Are)

your glow will never dim

bright light, brilliant star

appearing in the sky tonight

like the diamond that you are

shine fiercely, shine on . . .

with your dance-filled, musical

life lived in passion's groove

you're every move

beamed with kindness

ferocious exuberance

compassion and joy

empathy for others

joie de vivre

caring expressions of love

sparked hearts

ignited emotions

incited smiles

comfort us here in the dark

in these finale moments

when saying goodbye

feels close to impossible

only you and your angelic ways

will serve to remind us of beauty

and the most magical days

when your radiance

filled every tiny space

with an innate happiness

that best describes your face

a fantastic, forever reminder

live from heaven's eternal stage

©️ @followcb ☆ June 19, 2021

‘My favorite person.’

You know what, things just end, Today I woke up and there was no good morning text from my 'favorite person,' I didn't get to hear how 'their' day went, we guys don't share our problems anymore, I will never get to laugh and cry with 'them,' there will be no long video calls and chatting for hours, there will be no good night texts from 'them,' there will be no mistakes and apologies after a fight, there will be no I love you, there will be no I miss you, there will be no future plannings, and I will never get to see 'them' again, my 'favorite person.'

@scribblersobia 

She didn’t love me. She just didn’t want to be alone. Or maybe I was good for her pride and ego. Or maybe I made her feel better about her miserable, lonely life. But she couldn’t have loved me. Because you don’t destroy someone you love the way she destroyed me.

rent-free.txt

I used to

Used to do a lot

I don't anymore, some

Probably best resumed

Some I hope never again

Refrain restrain

Retraining this brain

The heart takes longer

Memo shuffled obscured

In one weak-willed moment

Get used to it; who okayed this

Guess I did, guess I've learned to

Let myself down harder than

You could ever manage

Does it even mean

Anything to you?

I used to

“diploma check zero”

6/16/21 3:28pm

“the drunkards disease” 6/18/21 3:04pm

“drunken mourning” 10:52pm 6/17/21

It hurts a lot to think how from "US" we turned into 'YOU' and 'I'.

     @scribblersobia

Rainbows are

Vagabond vacillating vagrant,

Vainglorious of variegated visage,

A vivacious vision verifying,

The verisimilitude of the virtuoso,

Iridescent irrevocably invalidating incredulity,

Implications of incessant invocation imploring to impede the inclement inundation

An idyllic incorporating incongruity inducing ineffable intrepid intransigence,

An inspiration for an introvert,

Bestowing beatitude banishing banality,

A benison behove of his benign benevolence,

For the blighted bereft because of their blunders,

Geniality garnished with garish gist,

Germinating the graphics for the grandeur guise of LGBTQ grappling with gerontocracy,

To generate their own genealogy on gazettes,

Yield of a yeomen's (a British farmer) yelping and yodel since yesteryear,

Yearning of a youngster yawning in his yacht,

Opalescent obituary for ominous obscurity,

Ordained by the omnipresent,

Ornated with his opulence,

To obtrude optimism and not to be oblivious of his omnipotence,

Regal but recluse,

A relic recurring to regale and recount his resentment,

A representation of his retribution,

Refuting to retrograde we are resilient and,

Resolved to relish his repertoire for our reminiscence.