I wish people would wake me up with a gong like the undertaker.
I wish people would wake me up with a gong like the undertaker.
Here’s the promised consent post:
I’m not good at consent. I never learned it. (This isn’t to say I’ve done things to people. It’s more to say how big consent is in my life, and how I feel terrible I’m so bad at it.)
My mother has always violated my consent. To the point I thought it was the norm. And I have made bad decisions and hurt because of her “lessons”, her “norm”. I’ve never abused anyone or assaulted anyone.
I will answer your phone when it’s ringing. I will touch you (like giving hugs and cheek kisses) without asking. I will assume I can do things to you that I do with my friends or family. I can’t though. And it is one of the hardest lessons I am still learning.
My mother touches me when I ask her not to. She scratches forks against a plate when I say that hurts my ears. She busts into my room without knocking. My consent never means anything to her, and I remember reading that when people abuse you they think of you like their property and so, What property, that’s yours, can give or have consent? It’s with these things that I learned consent, and it’s with these actions that I have carelessly hurt people. I am truly sorry to the people I have hurt. I wish I had been taught better. I wish I had better role models. I hope you accept my apology, because yes I forget, but I am fucking trying.
I can’t wait till I am in a space that allows me and listens to my consent without question. And I can’t wait to teach my children of the importance of consent too.
“It’s 2am and I’m lying in bed with nothing but the idea of you and I.”
“And sometimes a sin is the entrance to paradise.”
“There are people that I just don’t understand but they fascinate me.”
Some parrots can live up to 95 years and many people seem to be curious if spiders can fart. Spoiler: yes.
Hit and miss
End like this
Way to grown
To act like this
Give up quick
Not like this
Came this far
Knock down that wall
All animals feel emotions it’s just that humans think too much about theirs.
Make a home of your heart. Relax into yourself. Lean into your pain, let it softly speak its woes to a kind ear. On the other side of denial and escape from our pain, there is only its quiet, pleading to be cradled just for a moment, so it can be freed. Free your pain. Uncover your wounds, let them remember what it’s like to be kissed by the Sun.
Make a home of your heart, it’s the one place you will always, always belong.
That I’d made the fool of love
Before it made a fool of me
Old ideas are new again through the eyes of new people.
They asked if I’d be their boyfriend,
And I whispered a drunk, “yessss”
Because the drugs had taken away the hesitancy,
To voice the doubt that stemmed from my sexuality.
And a few nights in,
With smoke on my breath,
I straddled their waist,
Almost having fun till they expressed a desire.
And the moonlight assured this was love,
So I let them.
Cause love had cast aside my desires,
in place with theirs.
But traumas claws ripped holes in my heart,
And once became an expectation,
That I was scared of fulfilling,
So I left them.
And later I learned they claimed love had never beat its name between us,
That it was all about the sex, which I honestly wasn’t good at,
And it was disheartening to hear, that what I’d trust you to have,
meant nothing more to you,
Than a check of a box,
Of a name on a list,
Of bodies to fuck.
Nana, Die & Retry (Writober 2020, day 28)
Remember 3 things:
“And I love you more than anything”.
For the past few weeks, I have been trying to resolve some issues with my negligent roommate. Initially, I had thought that since we’d be sharing this living space for a year, we should reach an agreement.
Unfortunately, I was very wrong. I found out the hard way that life has its funny way of making you grow and learn to deal with different personality types.
Upon the realization that this roommate of mine will not change her filthy habits with communication, I decided that passivity is the way to go.
At this point in my life, I am realizing that I really need to stop worrying about what other people will think or say whenever I act a certain way. Therefore, it made a lot more sense for me to just stop caring about her existence within my living space and just go about my business as if she is not even there.
I feel like this is the best approach in dealing with these types of people as it saves you the anxiety and a whole load of mental trouble that comes with overthinking the smallest things.
The bottom line is that I am proud of myself for putting myself first this time, and I feel as if this will only be the first of many steps I’ll be taking in my path to transformation.
Always remember to look after yourself and put your own mental and physical health above all else.
Chapter 12 of Possession is finished, I think, and Chapter 51 of Essence should be up tomorrow and I jotted down a weird little one shot last night, so hopefully, after working all day I still have the will to live and can get cracking on posting stuff. And also, if you are going to be rude to me in a review just uterus/ball/man/woman/ up and sign in to do it. I have no patience for anonymous rude reviews so they’re going to get deleted. Also this - I am not here to write the story your way. I am here to write my way. You do not pay me and quite frankly, I owe you nothing. I write fan fiction for free and because I love these characters. If you are unhappy with things just move on with your life. Full stop. And then make sure to check your reader’s entitlement at the door. Thank you and good night.
There’s something wrong with your roommate but you can’t put your finger on it.
Diste lo mejor de vos, aunque eso no siempre es suficiente. Peleaste contra cada situación a la que te enfrentaste, sin pensar en como te iba a afectar. Diste tu salud para salvar a quienes no podían hacerlo solos. Les diste tu tiempo y sabiduría, la poca que tenías, y dejaste de lado el hecho que no podías hacerlo, porque primero la necesitabas vos. No pensaste que vos te necesitabas mas que nadie. Que tenias prioridad. No pensaste que para poder ayudar tenes que sanar, porque si no lo haces, simplemente abrís las heridas que nunca cicatrizaron e intentas que el otro entienda que se puede superar.
No creas ser ejemplo cuando estas en proceso. No creas que vas a salvar a alguien mostrando como así de rota, seguís existiendo.
Sos un cascarón vacío y queres que el mundo vea una persona. Sos el ejemplo claro de no poder vivir con uno mismo, de la falta de amor propio. Sos todo lo que negas ser. Sos eso que nunca quisiste y ahora no sabes que hacer que hacer con ello.