Bakugou keeps staring at the concrete under his feet, his mother’s words freshly burned into his mind and a heavy feeling on his chest that won’t go away no matter what he does.“Wow, the champion is home. Did you celebrate your victory?“ his mother asked, her voice spilling with sarcasm and if he hadn’t been this worn out he’d have yelled back. He wanted to shout at some, but there was no one to be blamed except him and he’s grown tired of being the cause of everything.
How could he lose to Y/N, even while she was injured, he angers himself for this is the only thing he knows to do. It’s pathetic, he thinks angrily. Losing to an already injured opponent, while thinking he could ever surpass AllMight. He doesn’t want to believe someone is stronger than him, especially Y/N, who he wants to-
“Did you really had to go this far to win? They already dislike you and no one will want you as a pro if you keep doing this.“
He clenches his hands inside his pockets and keeps his eyes low. He knows! He already knows that! Bakugou thinks to himself frustrated. He knows all he can do is hurt others and destroy things. He knows they won’t love him - he truly can’t blame them - but he hoped that people would know that he’s strong enough to fight the villain. He’ll leave the rescuing to the shiny heros with bright smiles and kind words - they can have all of their love - but he’ll fight the villains no one dares to. Not to be famous or successful but to do at least one good thing in this world, to prove to himself that he’s not completely lost. That there is still a spark of goodness in him.
„Bro, where are you going?“
The boy finally raises his eyes as Kirishima‘s voice appears from behind, to find his friend standing a few feet behind him. The very same spot he waits for Y/N every morning and every time she grins at him, letting him know she doesn’t hate him, the spark of hope turns into a wildfire.
Oh, he thinks and stops walking, he didn’t notice. He probably should pay more attention to his friends. Be nicer, yell less before they’d all turn their back on him - before she’d turn her back on him. But isn’t it already too late for that? By now they all probably hate him anyway, so he’d just make a fool out of himself. He’s not here to find friends but to train to become a hero so that this spark of goodness, which is clinging to his soul, would neve die. Bakugou only puffs and starts walking again.
„Don’t you wanna wait for the others?“ Kirishima asks, catching up to throw his arm around his shoulder - a gesture he doesn’t mind anymore but much rather enjoys.
„No,“ he answers with a deep voice and so they walk alone into the school, but not without glancing back, hoping maybe Y/N would be early today but he can’t see her and so he lowers his eyes to the ground again, listening to Kirishima about his fear none of the pros would want him as an intern. As if anyone could not love Kirishima, Bakugou thinks, every idiot with two brain cells can see that he’ll become a successful hero.
When they finally set into their seats, the boy tries his best not to stare at the door, keeping himself occupied by listening to his friends until he finally hears her voice. He feels silly for how fast his eyes fall on the door as Y/N finally walks in, accompanied by Sero. He allows himself to look at her closer. Her hair might be shiny and a smile adorns her beautiful lips but at the same time her eyes seem so tired and hollow, it tightens his throat. Shouldn‘t she be happy about her victory? Is he the cause for the absence of her joy? Did he hurt her? Bakugou waits for her to look at him and smile, letting him know they’re good yet he drops his eyes back to the table when she finally does look at him.
„You know, for being this smart you are pretty obvious.“
Bakugou can feel his cheeks heating up as he looks at Jirou, cursing her ability to read people this well.“Shut up,“ he murmurs angrily and leans back in his seat, hoping Aizawa would finally come so everyone would just stop talking.
„You could just ask her if she wants to go out for a drink sometime. Although I’m not sure if she likes going on dates with people who act like they’re 80.“
„Would you shut up!“ Bakugou yells but the girl only keeps giggling. He has no interest in such thing, the boy thinks stubbornly.
„PI-ZZA DAY! PI-ZZA DAY!“
Bakugou rolls his eyes as Kirishima and Kaminari keep yelling through the halls, pulling him forwards by his jacket so they wouldn’t miss anything. Don’t they have anything better to do, he wonders as they pass a group of students who started whispering as they saw him. Since the festival the whole school looks at him like an exotic animal.
„Bakugou, find us a table! Kirishima, you get us drinks! I’ll look for food!“ the yellow haired boy yells as they finally reach the cafeteria and before he could even say a word, were his friends gone. Great, he puffs annoyed and starts walking towards their usual table.
„King Explosion Murder!“ Bakugou turns his head towards the mocking voice, finding Jirou a couple of feet away waving like a maniac. The rest of the girls sit around, eating and enjoying their break after Aizawa let them work out all morning.
This can’t be good, he thinks at the sight of Jirou‘s wicked smile.“Do you want pizza? Me and Momo bought everything they had,“ she says as he takes a seat next to her, avoiding to look out for Y/N who isn’t sitting in her usual seat. He didn’t talk to her since the festival, even agreed on training with Uraraka just so he could avoid her. It doesn’t quite matter what he does to avoid her for she’s constantly on his mind yet somehow he can’t bring himself from thinking of her. Bakugou feels like a fool as he keeps searching the cafeteria to find the girl, wondering where she could even be.
„You don’t even like Pizza,“ he murmurs and takes a piece from the plate, keeping his eyes on her yet he can’t stop himself from glancing over to the doors as someone enters. This is ridiculous, he angers himself.
„Yeah but Kaminari loves it and he’ll be devastated when he finds out they sold out.“
„You’re evil,“ Momo comments with amusement in her voice, looking over her friend. No wonder Kaminari and Momo have a crush on her, he thinks while waving his friends over to the table. Kaminari does in fact look disappointed as he sits down with empty hands.
„What’s the matter, Kaminari?“ Mina asks him, playing the innocent as if she doesn’t have a whole pizza in front of her. Their friend finally looks up to answers but as his eyes fall on the food he freezes.“Oh, come on! You couldn’t leave me one piece?!“
Bakugou leans back in his seat, letting his friends fight over petty things. Since their internship will start next week, they have some time to relax. A few boring and mundane days seem blissful. No competitions, cameras or games. Only classes in the morning and drinks with friends in the evening.“Bakugou!“
The boy looks up to meet Momo‘s dark eyes.“What?“ he groans, annoyed by his own thoughts. Why do they all want to talk to him?
„It’s your turn to clean the classroom,“ she explains in a calm voice, softly smiling at him. The boy doesn’t say anything and gladly leaves his friends behind.
,,Y/N, do you know who your parents are and where you come from?“ asks the woman in a calm tone, yet it makes her body shiver from fear.
The girl clenches her fists and keeps her eyes on the expensive looking tea service one of the assistants brought them. Whenever someone asks about her parents Y/N would answer the same. Her parents died when she was little and since then she lives with her uncle. She doesn’t remember them. She has told this lie so many times, sometimes she’d believe it herself. Trying to tell herself everything before Keigo was just a bad dream but it’s impossible to erase scars.
„Y/N,“ the woman says, still monotone and with her legs crossed. Every time she says her name it feels like she’s mocking her for pretending to be someone she isn’t. She knows if it wasn’t for Keigo she still wouldn’t have a name or anything else. That she would be chained down in a cell and used for experiments.
The girl finally looks up and meets the cold eyes of the commission. She’s still smiling and leaning back on the couch as if they were just chatting about something petty. As if it’s not a matter of her freedom and future. The woman knows she can take away everything Y/N and Keigo have fought for.
“Yes,“ she presses out with her jaw clenched. Y/N wishes she wouldn’t remember. She tries so hard to erase the memories. Ban them from her mind, frame by frame until they’d finally leave. To do something to lighten the agony but they always come back like hungry hyenas, fetching their teeth and growling - waiting for the day she won’t run anymore. Bloodthirsty and ready to rip the flesh of her bones until she’s that creature again they once created.
“And where is this?“ Y/N‘s look is filled with so much hate a person can carry. It’s a dry and calm kind of anger that she can feel in the depth of her veins - deeply anchored in her soul. A kind where she’d calmly watch the woman die under her fingertips with a satisfied smile on her lips. She doesn’t want to hurt her physically but rather mentally with her words as a payback for all the years she had to spend in there.
„Hades,“ she whispers and looks back at the service, trying to hold back everything. Her tears, the insults that lay on her tongue and the urge to take that service and throw it at her - in hope the hot tea would burn her face. Keigo once told her to never show any emotions towards the commission and even though they can probably read her like an open book it’s all she has left of her dignity.
„And I assume, you don’t want to go back there.“
„No,“ she says, her voice so cold it must be something she inherited from her biological father - beside the quirk and his anger issues but who’s father doesn’t have anger issues.
„Good. You can become a great Pro Hero if you behave and focus and I’m sure you don’t want to make Hawks any problems… or your friends,“ she continues and Y/N clenches the hem of her skirt. A spark of bloodthirst ghosts over her veins. They wouldn’t dare to touch them, she’d massacre them all before they could even lay a finger on her family,“ Which is why I’m disappointed that you lost the sports festival. Didn’t you know how important it was?“
I won, she thinks with her teeth gritting and with a trembling breath, I beat them all and have enough offers from agencies. What more does she want? Fighting against the commission is helpless for there is nothing she can do. “I‘m sorry,“ is all Y/N can say.
„Good. We took care of it for you. You’ll intern with Ferrum. He’ll teach you some things.“
Of course. Y/N only nods, too tired to say something. It’s not like she planned on interning under Mirko or had an offer from every top 10 agency in Japan. But if the commission decides to send her to a low ranged Pro who’s known to be corrupt, then so it is. Maybe this is her punishment for losing control, she thinks, staring at the wall behind the woman. Strangely she never learned her name for they told her she’s only allowed to talk if being asked something.
„You may go now.“
Y/N gladly stands up to quickly bow and walk out but as she reaches the door, knowing she can drop everything as soon as she’s out, the woman raises her voice,“And Y/N.“ The girl turns around, her hand already holding the doorknob ready to flee,“You too can become a hero, if you behave.“
Holding back an insult the girl just leaves the room, letting the door shut loudly, and quickly walks through the corridors...If you behave?! If I behave?!?! I’ll rip your fucking head off, you dirty whore! She thinks furiously, not noticing how her steps get bigger and faster, carrying her into her classroom.
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you can also read it on ao3 here: comfortable silence