[a/n: since it was mac miller’s birthday yesterday, I wanted to write a little something on one of my fav songs from him! no dialogue, just internal thoughts. it wasn’t intentional at all, I just write as I go, but half the blurb is based off of yeonjun’s pov and the last half is based off of y/n’s. super cheesy, extra fluff, a lil angst.. all that jazz]
[8:35 pm] ever since yeonjun had gotten to know you better, he constantly found little things about you to appreciate more. the more he dug, the more treasure he found.
how you smile to yourself while watching tv. how you always need to have one leg in front of the other when standing in line. how your lips purse every time you’re confused, annoyed, or happy. how shy you get when people compliment you or give you an ounce of praise. how you always fall to the floor and laugh like you’re gasping for air.
he loved how you could be your true self in front of him. reflecting back to when you first met, he noticed how hesitant you were to open up and it took time and patience... months of patience. nonetheless, conversations slowly shifted from basic introductory small talk to finding common interests which escalated to friendly banter and late night chats talking about the future or exchanging tweets that seemed to only be hilarious between the two of you.
staring at his ceiling from his bed, simply thinking of you made yeonjun smile. he wishes you could see how beautiful of a person you were through his point of view. the way you walked, the way you said his name, the way you made him feel, the way you made others feel, the way he looked forward to talking to you every day, you were clueless about the effect you had on him. you were too good for this world and it was too much for his heart to handle.
you just don't know how beautiful you are... and baby that's my favorite part.
you walk around so clueless to it all.. like nobody gonna break your heart
tossing and turning in his sheets, yeonjun put his headphones on and drifted into a deep slumber in hopes of imagining scenarios where he finally makes you his.
don't let them hurt you ever.. I know you far too smart.. before things come together, they have to fall apart.. It's been a while since I've been sober. this life can be so hard, I'd rather talk about you
as you finished brushing your hair in front of your dresser, you couldn’t help but stare at the photobooth picture you and your friend yeonjun had taken a couple weeks ago. smiling to yourself, you jumped onto your bed and unplugged your phone from the charger. clicking yeonjun’s name, you start to re-read past texts from him. you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t read them every single day for the past few weeks.
yeonjun was the only one who took the time to get to know you. he never wanted anything in return, he just genuinely liked being in your presence. whenever you guys would talk, he’d always steer the conversation away from him to focus on you. you never liked talking about yourself a whole lot and it was mainly because your past friends rarely put in the effort to care, so you learned to stay quiet.
until you met yeonjun.
yeonjun was a force of nature. he made sure you were never left out in conversations. he made sure people knew how great of a person you were. he’d mention things about you that even you weren’t aware of. the little things about you seemed to be so profound to yeonjun, but you never questioned it because the way his eyes lit up every time he mentions your name was enough to know he was telling the truth. though you’d always shy away, he’d make sure you knew everything he said wasn’t an exaggeration.
he was the friend you never had and sometimes you think about what it would be like if you dated. he was everything you wanted in a partner and more but your self-doubt seemed to win every time this thought came about.
maybe he’s just being a good friend. maybe he’s just being nice. he’s a likeable person, so he probably acts that way with other people.
as a defense mechanism, you don’t like getting your hopes up. but with the way your friendship flourished over the span of a couple months, who knows how much can change in the future. you turned your bedside lamp off and stared at your only source of light, the moon. what does the universe have in store for you?
If you wanna stay, we're taking it slow baby... cause you and me, and I got enough on my mind... but I can make time for something so divine
the both of you clueless to it all, being uncertain about where you stand with each other was an understatement. but you were certain that being in each other’s presence was simply your favorite part about them.
[a/n: notice any other songs I referenced in here? hahahah]
Hyunjin accompanied me to school, but had to be at an appointment around the time I had to go home so I had to by myself. I told him I would text him at every checkpoint and he said that he would text me when he can. He's such a great friend. I'm truly thankful to have him. Especially when there's a crazy man named Yeonjun who claims to be my boyfriend on the loose.
I waved the bus driver 'goodbye' as I walked off the bus. I turned around and I bumped into...Yeonjun. "I am so tired of seeing you everywhere I go. I thought Seoul was supposed to be a big city." Yeonjun chuckled to himself. "No really. It's not funny." He continued to find it funny. I tucked a piece of my straight, long, black hair behind my right ear and rolled my eyes. "Ohhh, I see you're a thief too." I looked at him. "What are you talking about?" "Those earrings. I put them in your pocket without you knowing. So that makes you a little thief. Just like me." Yeonjun stepped closer to me. His chest inches away from mine. He stared down into my eyes. "But I didn't know, so." "But you surely didn't buy them." One end of his lips began to curl upwards. "I know you wanted them so, I made sure you got them." "Buy why? You know, you're really getting on my nerves." He chuckled under his breath. "I'm not a joke." "No, but." "But. What? Where's your friend?" He changed the subject. "What friend?" "That guy? He was walking with you earlier." "Oh, H- wait...what?! How would you know?" "Crystal, silly. I'm always watching." "Me?" "Hmm...something like that." "Well don't." "Why not?" His eyes lowered even more than their natural state. He was still close to me. "He surely isn't here with you right now. Who's gonna protect you from a creepy guy like me when it's getting late?" He smirked and I almost about died. But then I came to. "Get away from me." I backed away a little and tried to look angrily at the crazy, overly confident, butthole of a boy. He stood there, smiling back at me. Unphased. I actually hate him. "Remember what I said, Crystal." He winked at me and turned around to walk away. Left me standing there dumbfounded.
Are you ok?!
Hyunjin texted me a few times. I was a little late in giving him updated. All because of that stupid Yeonjun guy.
I'm so sorry Hyunjin, I stopped to grab a coffee. I'm fine, I promise.
Ok good. Had me a little worried.
Hey, I was just thinking. After this week, I should be fine getting to and from school by myself.
Are you sure?
Yeah, I'm a big girl. As long as we don't run into that crazy person, I should be good. :)
Ok...Just lemme know. :)
I feel like I've worried Hyunjin. I don't want him to worry though. Hurts my heart. Ugh, I don't know what I'm doing.
𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐂𝐑𝐈𝐏𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍: Friends with benefits? Friends at all? When the lines of an already blurry relationship are tested for the final time, you find yourself wondering if any of it was worth it. Because when something feels too good to be true, it usually is...
𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Strong language, suggestive sexual content, heavy angst and tension, drinking and consumption of alcohol, friends with benefits relationship, college au, themes of cheating and betrayal, music and concerts, commitment issues and adult themes throughout.
𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐑𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒: Self-insert, gender neutral reader x Yeonjun
You know that they imply so much more than simply leaving the place you’re in with him.
Indeed, you’ve heard him say it countless times before, and every single time it has a way of making your gut tighten with excitement, makes your breath come a little shorter.
Nodding eagerly – because there’s not a chance you can manage a poker face with the state you’re in – you take Yeonjun’s hand.
He leads you through the crowd of people you’re buried in; a veritable sweaty gathering of bodies clumped together as they dance and jump in relative unison. It makes your head spin, the clammy warmth that is so tangibly a product of body heat as opposed to anything else, but Yeonjun doesn’t seem to mind.
He never does.
He lives for these moments, and by proxy, so do you.
The alcohol in your system manifests as a touch of overconfidence, but you know it’s also to blame for the weakness to your knees.
Yeonjun keeps you standing upright – his guiding pull takes you through the mass of people.
The concert was his idea, and you’d found no room to complain despite the fact you weren’t overly familiar with the band. You trust Yeonjun’s taste in music enough to know he won’t subject you to anything too gratuitous.
Not minutes after you’d arrived, the pair of you had thrown yourselves into the mass of hardcore fans, blending right in with them as you lost all wit and sensibility to the music. A blend of indie rock and EDM – unusual, but still good enough to dance to.
Hell, you’d work with anything that had a decent beat.
You were having the time of your life – much as you always did when Yeonjun was involved – yet that had quickly descended into something else as the lights had dimmed and the beat itself mellowed.
A total change of atmosphere contributed to the proximity you had with him, people around you slowed as they paired up, movements became less frantic and resembled something far more… sensual.
A glance shared between the two of you sparked that familiar sense of anticipation that only came from time spent with him. That only came when he held that glint in his eye that spoke of pushing the time of your life to the next level – because that was just what the two of you did.
It was what felt right.
You hear your pulse in your ears, feel it in your neck as Yeonjun guides you through to the other side of the crowd, breaking out of the tightly packed gathering.
You’re dragged to the rear of the concert hall – your ruined Vans buff against the sticky laminate, echoing his rushed pace. The people here are dispersed, caught up in their own affairs, not paying too much attention to anything that doesn’t concern them.
And that suits you just fine.
Yeonjun turns to you with a smile of wicked intent, backing up several steps to a darkened, concealed corner of the venue.
It’s all too quickly he pulls you in with him, all too fast your lips are crushed to his, gentle hands hold you in place against the cool wall. The kiss is slow, controlled, yet his body seeks closeness. Hands become impatient, they travel down your sides, to your denim clad thighs and squeeze with desire.
You taste the strong, woody liquor on his tongue – it’s a flavour you’ve come to associate with him since this started happening.
Whatever this even is.
A muted whine leaves you; he drinks it right in.
“Are we really doing this here?”
You don’t know why you’re asking.
Courtesy, perhaps. A touch of disbelief that really should be suspended by now, given that this is hardly anything new.
He pulls back, taking a second to glance over his shoulder. Whatever he sees – or doesn’t see – reaffirms his intentions as he sweeps his long fingers through his pastel pink tresses, smirking in muted glee.
He hikes your leg up around his waist, returning to the haven of your lips as he rolls against you, making his feelings on the tryst perfectly fucking clear by way of showing you just what you’ve done to him.
Or to his dick, more specifically.
You can’t help the smile that breaks. Though you know Yeonjun has always been hot for you, it’ll never not stroke your ego. A guy like him wanting someone like you…
You’re not sure how you ever got so damn lucky.
“Someone might see us,” you whisper, feeling your blood rush south as he starts nipping at your neck, suckling at the sensitive skin.
“Then I guess they get to see two shows tonight.”
You laugh helplessly, genuinely, feeling his plump lips form into a sly smile that reflects his own smug satisfaction.
God, you love being with him like this.
So close. So raw.
So wonderfully uncomplicated.
Sat at your breakfast bar, you find yourself lost in thought, kicking your feet in tandem with the tap of your fingers on the countertop.
You’ve been staring at the same empty page on your laptop screen for the last thirty minutes, desperately trying to think of a way to start this dissertation.
You know you’ve only got yourself to blame for the lack of motivation and effort.
You’ve been putting it off for far too long, doing literally anything else to avoid starting it – laundry, cleaning, drinking, socialising. Anything goes, and that’s in direct spite of the fact you’re hyper aware you’re only delaying the inevitable.
If you want even a single hope of graduating this year, this has to be done.
And there’s just no way you can afford not to graduate.
With a mental slap to the face and shake of your shoulders, you sit upright, taking a deep, stabilising breath.
You purse your lips, hovering your fingers over the keyboard.
And tentatively, you begin to type.
Words that don’t really mean anything, at first. Words that wouldn’t make much sense to anyone but you, were they to read them. Words that reflect sporadic, fleeting thoughts that are gone just as quickly as they arrive, but you capture them all the same.
Eventually, the words start to come together. Sentences.
Sentences that make actual sense, much to your delight.
Before you know it, you’re rolling down the proverbial hill of inspiration, cogs begin to turn without your cranking, and you find yourself unable to stop typing as one idea after another mentally kicks the shit out of you.
Where the fuck was this burst of motivation three weeks ago?
You shift in your seat, rolling your shoulders as you relinquish control to the academic side of you that seems to be crawling out of hibernation, doing its best to explain how the effects of nature versus nurture can be seen in modern day society, and why it’s beneficial for parents to-
Yet that’s as far as you get.
The sharp ring of your phone pierces your bubble of ‘do not disturb’, your academic alias shrinks back into its cave immediately and puts a tragic end to your melodious flow.
Your curse does little to ease the frustration, as you answer your phone without checking the screen.
“Goddamn, who shoved you out the wrong side of bed?”
Soobin’s voice from the end of the phone makes your blood simmer, your jaw ticks with annoyance.
“Wait, let me guess. Was it Yeonjun?” He snickers.
“What the hell do you want?” You roll your eyes, fully recognising the futility of your anger with him. He has a way of softening you up. Best friend rights, you suppose.
“Just wondered what you were up to. I’m bored stiff.”
“Not that kind of stiff, freak. Let’s do something. Entertain me.”
“I can’t, I’ve made a start on my diss and I absolutely cannot stop now,” you sigh. “This is the furthest I’ve got with it.”
“Damn, you actually did it?” He laughs. “I thought hell would freeze over first.”
“Guess I’ll have to pester Beomgyu after all. Well, if you’re up for it, we’ll probably all be at the bar later. Come down.”
“Sure, I’ll think about it.”
“Okay. Lots of love.”
“Again – gross.”
“Don’t forget to hydrate!”
“Yes, thank you, goodbye,” you laugh, hanging up the phone before he makes any other checks on your wellbeing or mental state.
The you that existed a few hours ago would have jumped at the chance to go hang out with Soobin as a distraction from your dissertation.
You’re a new person already.
Maybe not that much of a new person.
To be fair, you managed five hours and several thousand words on your dissertation before mindless boredom and crippling back ache began to set in.
A break was critical.
And Soobin did say they’d all be at the bar if you were up for it.
You’re so up for it now.
The local dive bar is exactly that – a dive. Home to regular drunks and people with no other way to spend their time, you and the others made it your haunt after discovering it was one of the only places around that held live music shows basically every night.
And where there’s live music, there’s a good time.
The sickly stench of stale alcohol and faded cigarette smoke sweeps you as you step inside the bar, though it’s a familiar – almost homely – kind of scent. One that you associate with cheap booze and good laughs. The monotonal drawl of the jukebox acts as background noise under the chatter of the people inside, groups of friends and couples, those who sit alone but find enough company in that.
The floorboards creak under your Vans as you head towards the back, expecting to see your friends set up in their usual spot.
And true to form, they are.
Soobin and his head of black hair, Beomgyu and shoulder-length statement ‘do, Taehyun and his trademark leather jacket – all of them are right where you’d expect them to be.
“Yo!” Taehyun’s face lights up as he sees you approaching. “You came!”
Soobin and Beomgyu turn around on his exclamation, both equally pleased.
“Knew you couldn’t resist it,” Soobin smirks, shifting up the booth seat to make room for you. “How’s the diss coming?”
“Decently,” you shrug, planting yourself in the spot beside him. “Can’t say I loved every second of it, but I don’t feel so bad about it all now.”
“Baby steps,” Beomgyu nods knowingly. “That’s what it’s all about.”
“Speaking of baby steps…” Taehyun leans in, clasping his beer. “How are you and the devil himself getting along?”
The devil himself.
Something of a totally non-affectionate nickname your friends have taken to giving Yeonjun, and you know you only have yourself to blame for that. Countless nights they’ve spent – some in this very bar – watching the two of you all over each other. Countless times they’ve asked what the two of you are to each other, and you’ve never had an answer for them.
You can’t tell them you’re friends. Friends don’t fuck like you two do.
You can’t tell them you’re a couple. Couples don’t ghost each other for days like you two do.
“We’re… fine. The same.”
Your muttering is met with disapproval, as it always is.
“What do you want me to say, guys?” You complain. “You know how it is.”
“We don’t, actually,” Taehyun scoffs. “That’s why we ask.”
“You need to be careful, Y/N,” Soobin sits back in his seat, arms crossed over his broad chest. “You’re making it crazy easy for him to hurt you.”
“For him to hurt me?” You shoot back. “Who’s to say I won’t hurt him?”
The others exchange looks between them, before breaking into a round of giggles and laughter.
You’ve never been the kind of person to wish hurt or enact it on anyone – you know that’s why they’re laughing. All the same, you resent the notion that Yeonjun’s going to be the one to hurt you, that he’s the one that’s going to put an end to whatever the hell is going on between you. Like it works on his terms, anything that happens is his call.
Perhaps there is some element of truth to that…
It makes your stomach churn.
“All I’m saying is I know what I’m doing. I’m not close enough for him to hurt me. What’s going on between us is… Simple. Straightforward. Uncomplicated.”
Soobin gives you a look that simply drips unconvinced concern; the others do much the same.
But you don’t want to hear it – concerned or not.
“I’m getting a fucking drink.”
Four beers in and just starting on your first whiskey short, you start to feel that feeling.
The one that comes along whenever you start to think about Yeonjun – where he is, what he’s doing. Why he’s not blowing up your phone with stupid emojis or requests for your company.
It starts as a sinking feeling, like you’re missing him. That develops into a sensation of emptiness, a void that can’t be filled with friends or anything else you turn your hand to.
Eventually, the emptiness becomes anger. Desperation. Sadness or guilt, whatever happens to be the emotion of choice at the time.
Whatever it is, it always comes. Like unwanted clockwork.
“You okay, Y/N?” Soobin leans over the table, knocking the rim of his whiskey glass to yours.
“Fine,” you smile. “Just tired. Think all the diss excitement is catching up with me.”
You don’t want to tell him you’re feeling a little less wanted than usual, because that’ll only bring on the spiel you’ve heard a hundred times.
You can do better, Y/N.
He’s not good for you, Y/N.
If he actually liked you, he’d make you his Y/N. Like, properly.
“Diss excitement? Now there’s a phrase I never thought I’d hear you say.”
You laugh together, and just as you’re about to embrace feeling marginally better than before, Taehyun barrels back over to the table, all but knocking a disgruntled Soobin out of the booth.
“What the f-”
“Hey, so, don’t look now but Yeonjun’s here,” he pants.
Your heart kickstarts, your eyes widen impossibly as you start meerkat glancing around the bar, desperately trying to find him.
“I told you not to look!”
“Why would I not look?” You hiss back at him. “Where is he?”
Taehyun swallows, and rather uncharacteristically, falls quiet. That only unsettles you all the more.
“What is it, Tae?” You lean over the table.
He avoids your gaze, glancing everywhere but at you.
“Kang Taehyun,” you repeat. “What is it? Where is he?”
“He’s, uh… In the bathroom.”
Your repetition of his statement seems to help the implication sink in. Coupled with the look of sheer guilt on Taehyun’s face, it doesn’t take you long to put the pieces together.
You stand from your seat, knocking back the rest of the whiskey and ignoring the appeals from your friends as you stride through the bar, power in your step towards the bathroom.
He’s in the bathroom, is he?
The fucking bathroom.
The place you hooked up for the first time during a drunken night of music and laughter and tangible sexual tension.
You can only hope he isn’t having another one of those nights. Without you.
Shoving open the creaky panelled bathroom door, it only takes you three steps inside and all of two minutes to assess the situation.
Your skin tingles with wretched anger as you see Yeonjun pressed against the back tiled wall of the dirty bathroom. Your fists curl as you see the pretty young thing on his knees for him, mouth stuffed full, working him at a steady pace. Your heart thuds with rage and screams of a betrayal as your watering eyes meet his glazed ones through pastel pink strands, and you wonder if he even realises what he’s done.
Your friends were right.
He hurt you.
But it was supposed to be simple.
It was supposed to be uncomplicated.
Your tears attest to the exact opposite, as you storm out of the bathroom and leave the bar in a rushed escape.
Fuck him, you mentally echo. Fuck everything he ever was to me.
Because he was nothing to you.
You were nothing to him.
At least that much is clear now.
You’re not one for moping around.
In something of an unexpected surprise, you found yourself rebounding in the form of throwing yourself into your dissertation work, putting any and all effort into the academic side of you that had now kicked hibernation to the kerb and set up shop for good.
You didn’t hate it, certainly.
What you did hate, however, was the emptiness you carried around with you. Though somewhat less than it used to be, it showed no signs of disappearing anytime soon.
Several weeks have passed since the ‘bathroom incident’, but he’s made no attempt to contact you, and you’re damned if you’re going to be the one to make the first move.
He might have taken your affections and burnt them to a crisp, but your dignity still remains your own.
No matter how out of your control his inclinations were, you tried to focus on the things you could control. Like your attitude – positive thinking had become something of a mantra for you lately.
You’d even tentatively considered getting yourself back out there again. No time like the present, after all.
This is what you consider as you take a break from proofreading your dissertation, a cup of strong, black coffee in your warming hands.
Until your phone rings, vibrating on the table like its life depends on it.
A quick look at the caller ID makes your stomach drop.
You debate not answering it. Perhaps he’ll take the hint and leave you be, give you time to recover and space to live your life.
But you’re not that cruel, and he’s not that weak willed.
“… Hey, you.”
His voice - in that moment you realise how much you’ve missed it, and you’d do anything to dispel the feeling it stirs in you. Bitter regret and anger.
“How are you?”
“Never been better,” you overcompensate, because why not. “Did you want something?”
You’re not going to ask him how he is – you’re making a point, though you doubt he’ll get that.
“I, uh… I wanted to see if you were up for hanging out,” he speaks. “Thought maybe we could hit the bar. They’ve got this sick little band performing tonight and-”
“Are you serious?” You interrupt him.
“Why wouldn’t I be?”
“Yeonjun… You do realise we’re done, right?”
Silence comes from the end of the phone, there’s a subtle sound of inhalation that sounds an awful lot like the drag of a cigarette. Is he smoking again?
“I’m a fucking asshole,” he eventually speaks on the exhale. “I know that.”
“And I want to show you that I’m… I’m not always a fucking asshole.”
Your heartbeat picks up inexplicably, as though his words control the very flow of blood in your body. Granted – where your sex drive is concerned, they usually do, but this time it’s not quite the same.
“What for?” You sigh. “I mean, really, what would be the point?”
“What do you mean?”
“I just mean that there’s no point, Yeonjun. We were what we were, and we’re not anymore.”
“So what, I get my dick sucked by someone else and now we can’t even be friends again?”
“We were never just friends, and you’re kidding yourself if you think that. You only seemed to want me around when I was the one doing the dick sucking, and there’s plenty of people about to do that for you, clearly. So no, there’s no fucking point.”
“Give me a chance.”
“Give me a chance,” he repeats. “Just one. To show you that I want you around regardless of what we’re doing, or what we are.”
The sentiment knocks your breath back down your throat. You wonder what it says about your relationship that this is the most upfront and honest he’s ever been with you.
“… Please, Y/N?”
So much for dignity.
The bar is positively buzzing with excitement.
Contrary to most nights, when it’s quiet and intimate, the place feels alight with anticipation and positive vibes.
You know it’s because everyone that’s here is here to enjoy one thing, collectively.
The small stage at the back of the bar is equipped with sound boxes and mic stands, members of staff run a drum kit and connective cables across the space, preparing for the band that’s due to perform.
“This is going to be amazing,” Yeonjun exclaims into your ear, raising his voice just enough for you to hear him over the background filler rock music.
You’re far from being on good terms with him, but he left you with little choice when it came to taking him up on his offer.
In truth… It doesn’t feel terrible to be with him. Almost feels like nothing ever happened at all, but you’re not sure that’s a good thing.
You’re starkly aware that he hurt you, and the need to keep reminding yourself of that is taking no small toll on your mood.
“What are they called again?” You ask, grabbing your beer from the table and taking another sip.
You can at least pretend to be sane.
“Night Seven. They’re not very well known, but they’ve got serious talent. Trust me, you’ll love them.”
You nod in response to him, fiddling with the beer bottle in your hands as Yeonjun, uninvited, nonchalantly throws his arm over the back of the booth seat. Your booth seat.
It forces you to look at him in surprise, and the irritation sweeps you anew as you are – once again – caught off guard by his visual.
He looks positively delicious tonight.
His trademark pastel pinks locks are swept back, but the sharp undercut he’s sporting is a new thing. Who would have thought a simple haircut could make someone look so brand new?
You hope that’s reflective of newness in more ways than one.
The small piercings in his ears only add to his image, the leather jacket and tight jeans look like they’ve been made just for him. Sitting this close to him makes you giddy, but you don’t dare show it.
You’re supposed to be pissed at him.
He reaches for his whiskey, taking a small sip and hissing through his teeth as the liquor floods his throat. Transfixed, you watch the way his adams apple contracts in his thick neck when he swallows. You swallow right along with him, recalling all the times you’ve kissed that neck. Bitten it. Held it tightly in your grip while he’s begged you for more.
This is getting harder to control.
“Think it’s about to start,” he gestures to the stage, edging himself closer to you.
You can’t help but tense when your legs brush, the harsh fabric of his denim jeans against your smooth, taut leather trousers. It’s enough to make you shudder.
Right on cue, a few men wander on stage, clad in various forms of grungy rock gear. They approach the mic stands; the man in the centre makes their introduction to sounds of cheering and applause that break out from across the bar.
Waves of guitar chords and a steady drum beat fills the stuffy space, igniting the atmosphere that’s been simmering since you got here.
You bob along to the rhythm, watching them almost too intently as they play. Anything to distract from the fact that Yeonjun now has his arm your shoulders.
He whistles through his teeth as the band kicks into high gear, tapping his hand on his thigh in time to the drums.
At least he’s enjoying himself.
You wonder how long this internal battle is going to go on – the battle between wanting to scream at him or straddle him where you sit.
You hate that he does this to you.
Hate that despite your conviction, he’s broken through it without barely lifting a finger.
This is going to be a long night.
“That was great, right?”
Yeonjun’s hopeful statement rings through the buzz the band left in your eardrums.
“It actually was,” you smile. “I’m impressed.”
You don’t know why you’re impressed. Yeonjun’s taste in music has always been consistent, as is his assessment of what you’ll like.
He knows you better than you know yourself.
He nods, finishing the last of his liquor with a swift knockback.
“Thanks for inviting me.”
Yeonjun narrows his wide eyes, shaking his head in disapproval.
“Don’t thank me,” he clears his throat. “It’s weird. You’ve always been the only person I want to take to these things.”
“Yeah. You appreciate it all as much as I do – that’s a rare thing. You’ve got the best taste.”
Heat rises across the back of your neck at his impromptu, half-hearted compliment, because you don’t even think he knows it was a compliment.
“Sure. I, uh… I figured you knew that.”
You shake your head, avoiding his gaze.
How could you have known all that? He’s never told you; you’d never be so bold as to assume you were his first choice when it came to keeping company.
All the same, you could get used to this.
“Are you… nervous?” He laughs. “You’re blushing.”
He reaches out to touch your cheek, but you scoot away on instinct. You might be opening up to him, but you’re far from ready to let his touch disintegrate the rest of your willpower.
“N- No. I’m just warm. It’s warm in here.”
“Nah, I think you’re definitely blushing.”
He slides closer to you again, to which you back up across the seat.
“Am not, Yeonjun.”
“You’re stunning when you blush.”
Your breath hitches in your throat at his admission, you freeze like a cat caught in the headlights.
Yeonjun shows no sign of mistake. He knows what he’s said – you see it in his eyes as his fingertips grace your chin.
He lifts your head slowly, wide, dark eyes lock with yours.
Sliding closer once again, his legs entangle with yours at the back of the booth. You can do nothing but stare, every nerve in your body seems to light up with his proximity.
“You are stunning, Y/N. Period. Always have been.”
His words are like heroin straight to the vein, your stomach tightens with wanting, heart thuds with anticipation.
Hesitation. Whatever he wants to say, he’s clearly having difficulty doing so.
“You what?” You coax him, because if there’s ever any time to lay cards on the table, this is it.
It’s the only chance you’re going to give him.
“I’ve been an idiot,” he mutters. “A clueless idiot, this whole time.”
You listen, trying desperately to register the unfamiliar regret in his voice, the look of pain on his face.
“When it comes to you, Y/N, I… I took advantage. You gave me everything, and never asked for anything from me. I liked that, at first. I could have what I wanted from you but still carry on like I wasn’t tied down. I had my cake and ate it, you know?”
You swallow down the sting of brutal reality that gives you.
Had you really been such a doormat?
“But even then, there was this… feeling. Like nobody else I spent time with quite lived up to you. Nobody else made me laugh the way you did, made me happy the way you did. Made me feel the way you did…”
“I couldn’t work it out,” he continues. “I thought maybe I was fucking broken or something – instead of taking a damn minute to recognise what I was feeling, I overcompensated and threw myself into even more strangers, hoping something would just eventually click and I’d be… back to normal.”
He squeezes your hand, stares down at your fingers as he laces them with his own.
“When you caught me in the bathroom that night, everything fell into place. I realised that my ‘normal’ had changed. You were my normal. And I’d lost that.”
He takes a breath; you see the struggle in his face.
“It’s super fucking true what they say, you know. You really don’t realise what you’ve got until it’s gone, and I… I refuse to ever lose you again, Y/N. I’ll do anything I can to give you a reason to stick around.”
The sting of tears pricks at your eyes, you’re quite literally robbed of all ability to speak.
Why had it taken him so long?
Why hadn’t you recognised this in him?
Why had you ever believed the two of you were nothing?
“Be mine,” he whispers, leaning in with a careful slowness. “Properly. Please.”
With that, he captures your parted lips in a pillowy, warm kiss.
The music in the bar fades, the people around you disappear. The taste of woody, honey whiskey coats your tongue, and with it comes the familiarity of heartache. Of wanting something you should never have wanted.
Yeonjun’s hand slides down your neck, holding you tenderly as he kisses you. A gentle whine emits from him, you respond in kind with your own.
He breaks the kiss, taking your hand in his.
His grip is firm, as it always was. His eyes are alight with wicked intention, just as they always were.
But this time, everything is different.
Everything is so uncertain.
Everything is so…
“Let’s get out of here.”
𝐀𝐔𝐓𝐇𝐎𝐑'𝐒 𝐍𝐎𝐓𝐄: The first of the five non-skz member requests I took, I do hope this was satisfactory. Loved writing it, will definitely be up for producing more GN content in the future. Feedback welcome, please reblog and support me if you enjoyed. 𝐌𝐢𝐜𝐚
y/n: 05 liner, main character of this smau ofc, trainee under hybe label, soon to debut. yeonjun’s younger sibling but no one knows except members of txt and the company, got street casted for sm and hybe but eventually went to hybe cuz of her brother, the staff had to bribe her with photocards so she would sign the contract.
yeonjun: 99 liner, y/n’s older brother. Oldest member in txt and often teased by y/n for being a grandpa. claims to have the biggest ass in txt, asides from that y/n and yeonjun are very close and do dance practices together. 1/8 y/n’s protection squad. ￼
soobin: 00 liner, second member in txt to meet y/n by accidentally bumping into on the way to the txt dorms until he realised that he bumped into yeonjun’s dear little sister. The only introvert in txt and the tallest, never joins in on whos y/n’s bias arguments between beomgyu and yeonjun but he secretly thinks its anyone in the group besides them. 2/8 y/n’s protection squad
beomgyu: 01 liner, first member in txt to meet y/n after yeonjun went on and on about his little sister, argues with yeonjun saying that hes y/ns bias in txt. Also claims to have the biggest bum in txt. 3/8 y/n’s protection squad.
taehyun: 02 liner, third member in txt to meet y/n. saw y/n with yeonjun while eating with hueningkai. unlike hueningkai he didnt assume y/n was yeonjuns gf. pretty close with y/n and they do alot of song cover together, occasionally hueningkai or beomgyu will join and play the guitar. 4/8 of y/n’s protection squad.
hueningkai: 02 liner, fourth member in txt to meet y/n. met y/n with taehyun when they were eating and saw yeonjun with a girl. hueningkai thought that y/n was yeonjuns gf before yeonjun introduced her to him 🤕 but the past is in the past right? now hueningkai and y/n empty out yeonjuns wallet together trying to win plush toys #teamwork 5/8 y/n’s protection squad. (although more like y/n protecting him tbh)
series taglist (open + bold means i couldn’t tag): @subways-stuff @viscoolreal @delicateflowersaestheticpony @soobin-chois @ainasadge @tiinytete @wooyoung-a @soyanoii @jannine00742 @simpingforeveryoneonearth @butterflx @ni-kis-eye-roll @wonyofanclub @etherealcherrie @theblueslytherin @riruux @fanglieun @jisungsquirrelhabits
a/n: not much for today, but hey! i actually got the chapter out on time! good for me tbh. and ooooooooooooo we finally met yeonjun oooooooooh he’s a dick oooooooooooh. anyways- as always leave a comment or reblog if ya dig, i love hearing from y’all!
Genre: fluff, angst(just a bit?) , suggestive, friends with benefits to lovers but literally no smUt
Warnings: curse words- way too many of them, overly used nicknames, it's suggestive but no smut
Story form: one shot
Release date: 4th or 5th February, 2022
“Why not tyun," you whined a pout forming on your lips, "we have kissed before it's not much different!"
"Oh but it is sweetheart," Taehyun looked up from his laptop, an amused grin on his face, "we were drunk when we kissed princess, we were both working on liquid courage and adrenaline, so yes it is very different."
"Oh come on Tae the only difference this time is that we will be sober! Also stop calling me princess it's cringy as fuck," you let out the last one in a hush, your cheeks heating at the nickname.
Taehyun let out a chuckle as he turned off his computer, looking at you with shining eyes.
"Alright sweetheart," a wave of heat coiled through your stomach, "give me atleast 5 reasons on why i should fuck you." Your cheeks heated at how bluntly he said those words, but you weren't going to back out now.
You cleared your throat, a sly smile on your lips.
"Well for one, you're hot," you looked over at Taehyun and almost punched the air in triumph with the way his shoulders stood up a bit more straight.
"Second I'm hot too," Taehyun rolled his eyes at that but didn't say anything against it because as much as he hated to admit it you were hot.
"Thirdly, tae tell me honestly when was the last time you got laid?"
"A fair point,"
"Trust me, i know," you rolled your eyes, "and it's been long since I got laid too,"
"Fifth point is you don't have to beat your meat alone anymore, and sixth is that I'm horny as fuck."
Taehyun snorted at the last bit, a handsome smirk settling on his face.
"Don't laugh at me," you whined, "i gave you six reasons what more do you need?"
"Alright let's do it then," his voice was hinted with mischief, "but i have a condition."
"Really? Tell me," you were looking at him as he motioned you to bend closer to him and you did.
His breath now fanned your ears, as he whispered, "my only condition is that you shouldn't catch feelings for me,"
But boy was it too late for that.
TAGLIST IS OPEN YALL( send an ask if you want to be added please)
Also this is going to be a oneshot and the release date rn is by Feb 4th or 5th!
beomgyu was in his shared room with his lover, yeonjun. he had stood up and went into the closet, grabbing something that he had hidden.
soon taking off his shirt, yeonjun had walked it. “babe, do you want anything to ea-,” yeonjun stood there, staring at beomgyu.
a panic set into beomgyu’s eyes, turning around to look at his lover. “uh, hi-“ his body was shakey, not wanting to hear what was possibly going to be said next.
yeonjun walked closer to his lover, “a binder?” he asked, softly tugging on the bottom of the binder.
beomgyu nodded, tears forming into his eyes. “i’m sorry i didn’t tell you.. i was afraid of what you were going to say and was afraid you wouldn’t lo-“ he was soon cut off by a kiss.
yeonjun held the kiss for a few seconds, soon pulling away. “don’t apologize my love, i still love you the same,” he pulled the other into a warm embrace.
the younger soon broke out into sobs, burying his face into the oldest chest. “d-do you really?,” he asked, choking on his tears even more.
the oldest nodded, “yes really, you being born a female doesn’t change you’re still a boy. even if you weren’t trans, i’d still love you the same. you’re perfect to me, and always will be.” he kissed the top of his lovers head.
“i love you, so much,” the youngest spoke. the two still in the warm embrace, not wanting to leave the moment.
you wake up in pitch darkness, sweating and breathing heavily, heart pounding against your chest. the thoughts of your nightmare still vividly running through your mind.
“hey.. hey are you okay?” taehyun, your lover, asks you gently while softly rubbing your back. upon hearing your screams for help he woke up with a start. you immediately turn to him and wrap your arms around his waist as tears stream down your face and pool into his shirt.
“shh, it was just a bad dream. just a dream, okay love? none of it was real.” “i don’t think i can fall back asleep yet..” you mumble.
“come on” he says as he reaches for you hand, not questioning him you follow his instructions as he leads you out your shared bedroom and into the lounge. he picks up a blanket off the couch and continues leading you out on front door.
“what are we doing out here?” you ask whilst sitting down next to taehyun on the porch. “watching the stars” he says simply as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
so there you find yourself wrapped up in a blanket out on the porch at midnight with the love of your life, stargazing. pointing out all the different shapes you see and telling each other the names you each come up with for them.
you snuggle up into his arms when you feel the breeze brush past the shoulders, sending a shiver up your spine, luckily he seems to radiate warmth.
taehyun tells you stories of the greek gods while you lay beneath the moonlight, every worry you felt before disappears and you fall asleep to the sound of his voice.
if there's anything y/n's good at, it's differentiating her feelings between love or hate. it's so distinct, she really doesn't get it when people say they have mixed feelings about something, cause to her, love is LOVE and hate is, well... HATE. LOVE is like her feelings for prodsputnik, an anonymous soundcloud artist she adores which she may or may not have a stan account for. HATE is like her feelings towards her roommate, kang taehyun. she even claimed that researchers are bullshitting when they say there's a thin line between hate and love. but what if y/n figures out that prodsputnik and kang taehyun is the same person? will the line between love and hate stay thick and clear as fuck (y/n's words) to y/n or will it get blurry?
How the hell did I get wrapped up into Dani’s antics? Since when do I ever listen to Dani? I mean yeah, half of the time she’s right and makes some good points. But I’m stubborn and in my own head most of the time. So there’s no room for anyone else. Just like right now.
What would me and Yeonjun even talk about? I’ve never really spoken over the phone with anyone except from Dani and my parents. And I haven’t seen Dani since we were really young so I never have to face the pressure of seeing her after a phone call. And my parents are just my parents, there’s nothing else to it.
I sent that message on impulse, it seemed like a good idea in the moment. I had every reason to as a caring friend. And maybe it was a good idea, you never know. Where would I be in the future if I didn’t send the message? where would I be right now?
I know for sure I wouldn’t be anxiously waiting for a phone call from Choi Yeonjun.
On cue Yeonjun’s name flashes on my screen. I watch it for a few rings, then press answer.
“Hi Sammy,” He uttered. He sounded exhausted yet his voice was still laced with the sweetness he has every time he calls my name.
“Hi.” I say as I lay down on my bed, propping my arm behind my head.
“Thanks for checking in on me,”
“No problem,” An awkward silence follows, I clear my throat, “So uh..what’s on your mind?” I start, even if I already knew what we would be talking about.
“I’m still quite pissed off Sammy,”
“You should let it go,”
“It’s not that simple,”
“Alright I’ll hear you out.”
“First let me just say that, I understand that we still don’t really know each other. So honestly, you’re not obliged to tell us anything that you’re going through. But you’re so kind Sammy, so kind,” He put emphasis on his words, making him sound sincere, “And it hurts and fucking irritates me that you went through that because of me-“
“Don’t say that,” I hate that he feels at fault for this. It’s unnecessary drama that neither of us want any part in but Ria is pushing for it.
“But it’s true. I even spoke to her, and she didn’t take anything I said seriously. She just tried to make it about me and her as if you didn’t get wrapped up in all this and it just makes me so angry,” He blurted out, “Maybe you’re okay, and not bothered but it doesn’t make it okay Sam, you get that right?” He pauses for a bit, letting his thoughts simmer for a while.
He’s right. Me being so passive is enabling Ria to go on and on. My patience has never been tested before so I don’t know how much longer I could go on with her bullshit. Maybe I’ve had enough already.
“You still there Sam?”
“Hmm.” I hum, feeling tears welling up. What he said got through to me. Acting okay doesn;t make it okay.
“What you thinking about?”
“Just that,” I quickly sit up, “You’re right.” Wiping my eyes.
“Sammy you okay?”
“Yeah yeah, I’m fine.”
“Are you sure?” If he goes on I’ll probably start crying more.
I swallow the lump in my throat, “Yeah. Um. What else did Ria say?” I ask quickly the subject. I couldn’t care less about what she said.
“Uh..” He hesitated, “Just stuff like, no one got hurt blah blah. So I just cut her off basically.”
“What, really?” I ask, genuinely surprised.
“Haven’t you been friends for a long time? I don’t want to come between anyone’s friendship-” I feel like that would fuel Ria’s anger more against me, and that’s the last thing I want after realising that she’s actually getting to me.
“Want me to let you in on a secret Sammy?”
“We were never really friends.” I wasn’t sure if it was just me being observant but I would notice his bright facial expressions dim down everytime she was around. And during conversation Yeonjun would never seem fully present. Like his mind was elsewhere. “She just thinks we are because we’ve been classmates for years, so she hovers around me occasionally. I’ve never had a reason to push her away either so yeah.. She’s just there.”
“Yeonjunnn, your ego is showingggg.” I say playfully.
“What can I say? I only speak the truth.”
“I’m sorry but you sound so far up your own ass. You’re lame.
“Yep. Putting all the popular kids in history to shame.” I joked. It’s so easy to switch on and off with Yeonjun, it’s like he wasn’t about to punch a wall earlier while I was on the verge of tears.
“Wow, harsh much.”
“What’s harsh is you cutting Ria off.”
“There was nothing for her to hold on to,”
I stifle a laugh before continuing, “Sure, fine, the friendship was one sided. But it doesn’t change that she felt something for you. If I had the illusion of someone being my friend and that they were also someone I felt for, I would want them to tell me how they felt about me so I could let them go.”
“This is different for everyone, I’m sure Ria doesn’t want me to tell her I wasn’t into her. She’s hardheaded as fuck.”
“Okay you’re right, but she’s not going to leave you alone, whatever ‘cutting off’ you did isn’t probably going to work.”
“So what are you saying Sammy?” He said, sounding less down than before, and more like he had his full attention on me. If he was here right now I would imagine that he would be looking at me dead in the eyes
“I’m saying..” I pause, feeling the sudden shift in energy. He hums with a hint of amusment, wanting me to go on. “Stop.”
“Stop what?” Sounding oblivious as ever, but I could tell he was smiling.
“You know what you’re doing,”
“You tell me,” He shoots back, still playing dumb.
“Anyway.. I was saying that she tried to injure me just to get to you, If you think saying ‘don’t talk to me again’ is gonna work, you’re mistaken.”
“Okay let’s make a bet.” His playful annoying tone was back.
“Yeonjun you’re just going to lose.” I sigh,
“We’ll see about that. If I lose I buy you ice cream. If you lose you buy me ice cream.”
“Can we just get ice cream right now?” I spat out. All this heavy talking has me hungry. Ice scream definitely sounds good right now.
“Right now?” He asks, making sure I’m being serious.
“Right now, now.” I stand firm on my word.
“Look who’s feeling bold today.”
“Listen I became a track star in under two weeks, I feel like I’m on top of the world right now.” I joke, even though if I backed down from Ria we probably could've come dead last. But I didnt, and I don't wanna imagine what it would've been like if I did.
“Sammyyy, your ego is showinggg,”
“Shut up,” We share a laugh,
“And okay to ice cream. We’ll decide the bet later.”
Never in his wildest dreams did Yeonjun think he would date someone who also was a dancer. He left you in the practice room for a couple minutes to go to the bathroom, comes back to you dancing to Blue Hour perfectly.
“YA WHEN DID YOU KNOW HOW TO DANCE” He says shocked. Since when could she dance. “I’ve always known how to dance. I guess I just never showed it around you babe.” You say giggling. Let’s just say whenever he dances you dance too.
Soobin honestly wasn’t surprised that you could dance. He was actually super excited that you could dance. He had a dancing buddy now whenever he wanted to go practice.
“Would you wanna come dance with me this afternoon babe. I need practice after the break I was on.” Soobin asked with a playful pout. “Will you stop pouting if I say yes” You asked giggling. You went with him, you couldn’t resist him.
Beomgyu was excited that you knew how to dance. He felt as if you could both teach each other things. Beomgyu also thought it was cute that you could dance. (He also liked watching your butt while you dance, but he wasn’t gonna tell you that.)
“We should dance more often.” Beomgyu said laid out on the ground out of breathe. “Why so you have another to look at my ass. Yea I saw you babe through the mirror.” Beomgyu still had a smirk on his face.
He was kinda sad. He thought he was the inly who could dance. Don’t get it wrong, he found it very attractive that you could dance. He just felt upstaged.
“Why didn’t you tell me.” He said pouting. “I didn’t think it was a big deal. I’m sorry Tae, if i knew you would be upset I would have said sooner. Hey at least now you can sing while I dance.” He was actually excited now.
Kai didn’t care. That’s it he didn’t. But he did find it sexy. He could watch you all day long. You also didn’t care that he watched.
“You look amazing.” Kai said smiling. “Thank you, love. I just don’t know if this looks right.” “Would you like some help.” “Sure as long as there is no funny business.” Kai was a man of his word, and there was no funny business. (Maybe a few kisses)
[11:17 am] saturday mornings were your favorite. unlike other days, saturday mornings were slow. you took the time to settle with your own thoughts and plan what you wanted to do for the day. It was the only day you could sleep in. you COULD do nothing and order take out but it’s been a while ever since you had a home cooked meal.
you look to your right to see yeonjun sound asleep. one arm under his head while the other rested on his abdomen. you wonder.. how can someone look this good in the morning? his accentuated lip pout in the mornings, in awe, you stare at him for a little longer. a smile creeps up on his face.
eyes still closed, “watching me sleep again?” his hoarse voice and laugh were music to your ears. “yeah and what about it,” you playfully roll your eyes as you cuddle against him, “I wanna make breakfast, let’s cook together”
“let’s stay here for a while, I like it,” he tightened his grip around you. you looked at the clock, it’s nearly noon, “we were supposed to have lunch.. please c’mon we’ll cuddle later I promise”
he finally gave in, “fineee, I’m cold let me put a shirt on” he sat at the edge of your bed. the view of his bare back was your favorite and you felt your face getting warm.
“meet you in the kitchen,” you patted his head and made your way to the bathroom to freshen up.
yeonjun smirked and shook his head, how could you have such a strong grip on him?
you were in the kitchen prepping the ingredients to make pancakes, eggs, and bacon. the essential breakfast foods ya know. yeonjun joined, “I can cook the eggs and bacon.” you nodded while mixing the pancake batter. silence filled the room as the both of you were occupied with your own thing, but it wasn’t uncomfortable.
“y/n, let’s play music,” he insisted. “okay but don’t get side tracked! I’m starving.” he laughed “no promises but I’ll try.”
he comes back with his bluetooth speaker. “what are you feeling?” he says as he looks through his playlists.
pouring the pancake batter onto the pan, “i’m fine with anything, not too intense though,” you were still a little groggy to be honest.
you hear the sounds of a saxophone, guitar, and drums gradually become louder as yeonjun adjusts the volume
he looks at you from across the room as he moves to the beat of the song. he points at you
“i'm, i'm so in love with you.. whatever you want to do.. is all right with me.. 'cause you make me feel so brand new.. and I want to spend my life with you”
he always knew how flustered you get every time he serenades you and he loves to make himself look as cringe as possible to make you even more shy. but you liked it.. actually you loved it.. and you never wanted to admit it. however, yeonjun can read you like a book, he knew you secretly loved it but didn’t want to point it out, he enjoyed the antics.
“let me say that since, baby.. since we've been together.. loving you forever.. Is what I need.. let me be the one you come running to.. i'll never be untrue”
he continues to sing while he cooks. you couldn’t help but giggle at the way he was swaying his hips, he was really feeling himself.
after you finished cooking, you decided to cut up some strawberries and bananas to use as toppings. before that, you turned around to check on yeonjun.
snaking your arms around him, you hugged him from behind causing your body to also sway to the song. he stopped what he was doing and turns around, wearing a smile that can brighten the world up.
his hands on your hips and your hands on his chest, you guys stared into each other’s eyes and became one with the music. how did I get so lucky? the both of you thought to yourselves. right as the song ended, you snap back to reality to be greeted by the smell of something burning.
“uhh yeonjun… the bacon is BURNT” you turned him around. eyes bulging out of his head he turns off the stove and brings the pan towards you to see 4 pieces of inedible strips. you stifle your laugh because you knew how bad he felt, “sorry heh…. we have the eggs and pancakes though..” you broke out laughing at the sight of him carrying the pieces of bacon to the trash.
you reassured him it was no sweat, “i guess we both got side tracked.”
saturday mornings were slow but not boring when you’re with yeonjun.
[a/n: Inspired by “Let’s Stay Together” by Al Green. I have a couple more songs in mind but I don’t want to force the ideas to come!! I’m open to any song requests you have though! Shoot me a dm, I need inspiration before I lose all motivation hah]